R E L AT I O N S H I P
12 Truths About Getting a
Divorce
(That No One Tells You)
Getting a divorce will always be a big thing in Indian
society. Born into a culture of ‘adjusting' and ‘thinking
about the neighbours' we are inclined to adjust and put
up with things, and anyone who steps away from those
boundaries tends to come under the scanner. While the
process is hard, here are 12 things
you must know beforehand to make
the divorce easy and amicable.
Your partner will always be a part of
your life: Whether as a friend or a
bitter memory, even years after your
separation, he and his behaviour will
determine a lot of your relationships.
Not everyone will stand by you: From
close friends to family members, everyone perceives divorce different.
Don’t expect everyone to see things
your way and stand by your decision.
You’ll feel the pain: No matter how
bad the marriage was, divorce will
not always feel great. For something
that started out with so much hope to
end like this will always hurt you. But
hang in there, this feeling will pass
too.
Your next relationships will be difficult: Just like a good relationship, a
bad one too comes with its own set
of barometers. You will always compare the current relationship to your last one and mentally pit both of your partners against each other.
You’ll need to accept your faults too: Yes, he was an asshole but a divorce is more often than not a joint decision.
You’ll need to accept your own flaws too and overcome
them.
You’ll feel judged: And that’s okay. A lot of people prefer
staying unhappy to taking a bold decision and you need
to explain that to them and not let public opinion bother
you.
You’ll lose old ties: Especially those common friends that
you both had. No one likes to be caught in the middle of
a divorce and rather than being friends with you both, a
lot of them will pick sides.
Your children will still love him: You can’t compete with
his fatherly skills and you mustn’t try. Let your kids have
individual, healthy relationships with both of you rather
than being put in a difficult situation where they have to
choose one parent.
You’ll learn to let go: A divorce brings with it a big scandal and there is nothing better than juicy gossip to fuel
it. You’ll hear a lot of things about yourself, things that
you couldn’t have ever imagined him saying. Let it go
and move on.
You’ll always have ‘what ifs’: There will be lots of what ifs
once you get a divorce. You’ll tend to replay situations
thinking what could have made them different or better.
That’s okay, but each time you dwell on the past, tell
yourself that you are now in a better place.
You’ll give others a lot of marriage advice: You'd think
that a divorced woman is the last person to go to for
advice but you’ll be surprised at would a good judge of
people and marriages you'll become. Your own experience will often let you give others some superb happy
marriage advice.
You’ll be bitter: You’ll take a while get over the hate, the
injustice or the plain betrayal. There will be people you
hate and people you wish never existed. While you’ll
ever so often be reminded of them, pause and think of
all the happy things that lie ahead.
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