Blues - Waterford United FC Programme v Finn Harps Friday 25th April 2014 | Page 14

The Monster In My Bedroom

A Finn Harps Nightmare By Brian Kennedy

The name of Finn Harps sends
a shiver down my spine. It’s not
often I admit that, but it helps to
talk about these things! You see
back in the day when spending all
your money down the arcade was replaced by Ataris,
Commodore 64s, and other home computers the size of
a fridge, one game was king: Championship Manager.
For the first time there was a game for the control-freak
nerds like myself who didn’t need to break their wrists
swivelling a computer generated player down the field
to score a goal. Now you were boss. Master tactician.
Arsene Wegner from your old bedroom.
It was always excruciatingly apparent that those of us
who invested 110% of their free time in a management
simulation had long since lost their grip on reality. In my
first season of managing AC Milan
in 1993 I remember shouting at the
screen during one match that “that
Marco van Basten was as much use
as a one-legged man in an arsekicking contest,” only realizing the
absurdity of the comment when my
friend pointed out that, away from
a dusty, kebab-stained 14-inch
monitor, I’d have never actually seen
van Basten.

end I had a 1-1-9 attack force whose best effort on
goal was winning a throw in on 78 minutes. By February
I’d been relegated and collected just seven points from
22 games. The squad had 46 players – twenty of them
loan signings – and we’d sunk to a new low with an
attendance of 78 at home to Sligo Rovers (ironically it
would be the single game I’d won, courtesy of a 90th
minute own goal).
My management career was in tatters, the club was
about to go down and my girlfriend left me a long time
ago. Depressed. Lost. A social outcast, I did the only
thing a quick thinking manager would do... I pulled the
plug and reset the game.
Twelve months later and with a front line of Anders
Limpar and Duncan Ferguson I reached the FAI Cup
Final, took the lead after 35 seconds
(good old Kevin Kelly) and still lost
the game 3-1. Why? Two words.
Jonathan Speak. Two more. Finn
Harps. Yet again the northerners
had come back (and rightly so since
I was a cheating sod) to haunt me.

I recently bridged an almost 20year gap by buying Championship
Manager again, and playing the
most updated version of the game.
My first ever match in Championship
This time I’ve managed to win
Manager was with Waterford
back-to-back FAI Cups and have
United. My opening game? A
Waterford United playing Benfica
Finn Harps: a formidable obstacle in Europe. Despite the success I was
Premier Division clash with Finn
even in the virtual world
Harps at the RSC. My Blues side
denied a first League of Ireland
photo: photo: Paul Elliot/WSM
that day included names like Alan
Championship since 1972/73 –
Barry, Scott Garlich, Aidan Swift
when you manage you have to think
and Pascal Keane. Harps had a host of players missing it’s part of Waterford United’s real history – by a
so I opted for a 4-3-3. I started well... for about four northern team who pipped us by a point by winning
minutes anyway. After those 240 seconds Pat Arrigan 1-0 in a new 6,000 capacity ground in Stranorlar.
creamed a Harps centre-forward in the box, and the Finn Harps.
resulting penalty put us 1-0 down. Poor Mr Garlich had
to reach into the back on the net three more times that Whilst my dreams aren’t unfortunately reality, Finn
day, and my only solace was a Brian Barry cracker in Harps new stadium is. May they have a long life and
a 4-1 home defeat. Later that season I crossed paths prosperity when they move into it. And may the Blues’
again with them in my return game in Ballybofey. One constant defeats to them stay firmly locked... on the CD
word. Annihilation.
of a PC game called Championship Manager!
As I sat with my cup of tea and toast, pulling a sickie
from work and avoiding all calls from the outside world,
I couldn’t believe the seven goals Harps had hammered
past me in the opening hour. I tried 4-4-2 and conceded
four. Opted for 4-3-3 and let in another three. By the
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