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She left her body collapsing on the cold bathroom ceramic floor , while around her scattered her things and her blood ..
She felt shivers running through her body , and for some reason , she found herself thinking about God ..!!
Why did she ..? She stopped praying for him long ago , and stopped feeling belonging to him .. Why did she think about him now ..?
Did she really love him ..? She never knew the answer for that question for sure .. Love or just plain fear from him ..? And because she felt that she was somehow maltreated because her life went that way , she felt that he was away from her , so she just walked away too ..
More important question : Did he love her from the first place ..? Love her though he saw her getting lost many times as a miserable piece of chess , on her way searching for a meaning for her life ..? For love ..? Happiness ..? A search that she lost long time ago ..?
Anyway her belief in his presence or absence shouldn ' t affect him that much .. Shouldn ' t affect him at all .. Wouldn ' t enforce or weaken him .. The most important thing , did she have enough courage to face the possibility of her being wrong about his absence ..? What will he do with her then when she faces him ..?
Stupid ..? Wow .. That was new .. Anyway she took the first flight to hell already and won ' t be able to exit before reaching her final destination ..
Starting to feel the coldness of the walls sneaking to her soul as it was sneaking to her body , she started feeling shivers all over her body again ..
And for some reason she remembered her stepfather again ..