So here I am twenty years Later and growing……being married! I remember as a little girl seeing people get married on television. It was SO ROMANTIC! They had white horses; carriages; islands; cruises; you name it, it was on the tube. I was such a video brat. I loved the movies and television so needless to say, it influenced me. I wanted that when I got married one day.
I remember the vows, “Do you “’person better than anyone else because you are getting married” take “other person that is just as lucky as you and just as good looking”. Do you promise to love, honor, and obey; in sickness and in health; for better or worse; till death to his part.” I so wanted that guy. I wanted to be that girl. I think a lot of us want to be that girl or that guy. ‘Mr. and Mrs. Perfect for each other’.
Danged television! Set me up for a fall! Of course, I jest. Seriously, when you are watching someone get married or see married people, we have this idea of their life. We judge to say she is pretty enough or he’s not sexy enough. But the real test to a good marriage is…………………………………worse!
What is worse? Not sure any of us really think about those vows anymore because a lot of us write our own. That’s so sweet. But the honor of marriage is to commit to be with someone for the rest of your life, till death do you part. This means simply this: Close your eyes and think of the worst thing imaginable this person you love so much could do to you. Would you still love them as you do?
For better or worse? Much of the time we are so concerned with better that we forget about worse. We think life is supposed to be rosy and have no stress. We have to “tell and live our truth”. That’s a nice thought but if your truth includes being married, you really need to consider worse. Recently a player in the NFL was chastised a second time for behavior that he was already “punished”. The woman he bombarded with his behavior married him anyway. The public is outraged. But she chose to marry him knowing about worse. Ask yourself, is she not too bright, or does she understand that worse is okay with her because of the love she feels for him. This is not to say she excused his behavior but that she accepted it because of her love for him.
Worse is not pretty. It has no bells or whistles. It has no prizes. But if you can endure worse, you can be happy. You can be in a long-standing relationship. You can have that fairy tale wedding. But please remember the more good you receive the more bad you can expect. It’s the law of averages. It’s also your choice. All or nothing? Which is more important? Your principles or a cold bed. Even more, what is your worst? Who can or would put up with you. HMMMMM.
Worse?