Ask Andi and Andy
Dear Andi and Andy,
I have a problem and I sure don’t know how to handle it. Last week I went to my college reunion by myself without hubby who was tied up with his business. I hung out with a very sexy sorority sister of mine. Later that night we found ourselves alone in her hotel room. She told me how sexy I was and how she always had this crush on me. We began kissing and it lead to the much more intimates contact. We made love ½ the night and we had numerous orgasms. It was my first time ever with a woman. Now I am faced with knowing I am turned on by both men and woman. I love my husband and love our sex life. What do I do?
Conflicted in Toronto
Dear Conflicted,
You have two different approaches you must consider. The first is to block those feeling you now know, you have for women and avoid any situations that might lead you having intimate contact with one. I can tell that will not be easy for you, now that you know how it feels being with a woman and how much you enjoyed it. It would seem that sexual fulfillment for you is to satisfy bisexual feelings which you have and probably always had. They are not “instead of being with a man” feelings but are a separate addition to your sexual makeup. Those are honest feelings and more women have them, than admit to it.
The other choice is to share it with your man. There is no way to tell what his reaction might be - but it is the most honest approach you could apply to your situation. Men in general are much more tolerant of a woman sharing their sexuality with other woman than are if it was with another man. There are a lot of men who get turned on by the idea and even begin to encourage it and want to watch it. When telling your man, you might ask him to consider watching when you are with a woman, if all parties have no objections. If you are not the jealous type you might even suggest that maybe you two could have a woman who is bi and who wouldn’t mind have a shared experience with you and hubby. You could find that is a hidden fantasy for your husband. The risk of this approach is that you husband decides he doesn’t take to the idea at all and want to walk, but if he loves you, as much as you love him. I would think he owes to you to work it out.
I can tell if you don’t try to deal with these feelings with the second approach, you run the risk of having all kinds of desires never getting satisfied and all kind of potential problems dealing with them in your future.
by Snow