Relationships are seldom easy. We all have ups and downs. Sometimes it’s enough to make you become a hermit. For years we were all forced to make connections on sight or be damned to deal with the fact we were too shy to speak. We now have other ways to bridge the gap.
Nowadays we have online dating and social networking and of course massive multimedia games like Utherverse, 3DSex and Second Life, just to name a few, that give us new ways to make connections. Utherverse also provides a real world aspect that few games do.
There have been hundreds of online relationships that have formed into real life ones. There are stories of people leaving their native country and moving to the love of their life’s place of residence. We have always been fascinated by how people meet. We often ask for advice on how we too can be successful.
Today we have two people from Utherverse who have agreed to answer a few questions for us and give us a little advice on how we too can be fruitful and find new love over the internet. To protect their privacy we are keeping this anonymous. They have agreed to answer ten questions of our choosing about dating real life and virtually.
Q.1) When you came to Utherverse did you come looking for love and if not when did you begin?
He: “No, I came for in-world activities like karaoke”. I saw a singer on a different website that invited us to sing in Utherverse. I was so impressed with the person’s singing prowess; I came to see what Utherverse had to offer.
He never looked. He thinks it found him. He had a few relationships before the lady he is with now but it was about chemistry; similar interests and not about being on the hunt. Many women approached him in the past and were very kind to him and they have remained friends and have embraced his current relationship. His current lady love approached him.
She: “No, I was not looking for ‘ANY TYPE’ of relationship!”
It was all about chemistry. She was an online working girl and very new. After being in Utherverse a little over a month she was thinking about leaving. She was bored. She didn’t like the orgies or random sexual activities. She continued to make friends but she was not finding what she wanted. Then she found karaoke as well and was affected by the love shown by crowds. She was impressed by the camaraderie, the realness of the attitudes and the support. She liked how they seemed to put themselves out there without apology.
Q.2) How many times were you unsuccessful in relationships before it stuck?
He: Only one other time and this was an overseas relationship and the lady was much younger.
She: Had never been in a relationship in RLC. In fact, she was a working girl. Lots of people tried with her but she was not interested. That said she was so impressed with “he”, she approached her now mate.
Q.3) What types of activities do you do to keep your long distance relationship fresh?
He & She: They communicate fully online or the telephone. They have not met in real life yet. They are working on it. “We talk a lot, watch movies of all kinds, karaoke; we spend a lot of time just communicating.
Q.4) How long did you wait to speak to each other and see each other via Skype or some other video programs?
Three days and it was voice for her and video for him because her webcam was broken. They decided to do this to be more intimate. They wanted to see each other’s facial expressions. They say it feels like they are in the same room especially when they are in bed at the same time on video. (This caused the “L” words to come out seven days later.)
Q.5) What made you feel comfortable enough to start speaking of seeing each other in real life?
It was evident. It was not something they ever thought of. They were so comfortable with each other they felt no reason to separate their lives between reality and virtual. Right away she wanted to see him in person. Had he been local they feel they would be living together.
Q.6) How long will you wait/did you wait for sex in real life? What are the factors?
They will have sex immediately!
She: “There will be a trail of clothing from the door to the bed unless she jumps his bones on sight!”
They are both ready! Sex on aisle four! No waiting!
They did have sexual contact via online video and it was freeing and easy. This makes the gateway to sex in person seem apparent. That said they have so many other things in common sex is the icing on the cake and not the only reason for their existence. The life is what they want, not “just sex”. It’s more about the connection. They feel they have to have something to talk about besides sexual positions.
Q.7) What types of sacrifice have you made to be with one another? Was anyone in real life affected, children, exes or family members?
She: Believes you can love and have an intimate relationship with more than one person at a time (polyamorous). These are committed relationships; not a “play thing”. They all have their best interests at heart. It has affected her relationship with someone she has known for years. When she was honest with him about her online love and he was not happy. He tried to visit unannounced. She put a stop to it but it strained her relationship. She is willing to make any sacrifice for her online love because it feels more real. While she does have a child so far it has had no effect.
He: He appreciates the honesty from her and knows how he feels about her. He had feelings for a married woman and they are still friends. This helps him to empathize.
Q.8) Is the financial burden worsened or lightened when long distance love occurs?
Both: It hasn’t really changed yet because the move has not occurred. Right now they are trying to become financially stronger so they can be together but that would occur in any situation. They are looking at timing and convenience. Whoever gets hired first or has the best opportunity will determine what happens. She has a child that goes to school close to his dad. She needs to be with him. If she does move to be with her beloved she will have to figure out ways to get back to her child that lives with its father during the school week but spends all it’s free time with mom.
Q.9) How do you deal with jealousy and insecurity?
Both: They do not have it. The honesty they have with each other prevents this from occurring. They are completely open with each other. They speak of everything from sexual interludes to financial problems to health issues.
Q.10) What is the best advice you can give to others in virtual reality that want a relationship or are in a relationship and having trouble?
She: “I am paid to blog. I speak of this often” She says virtual relationships give us a sense of distance and anonymity that affords you the ability to drop your guard faster than you would in real life. Things you might normally negotiate in real life are thrown out the window virtually. Later on you end up stumbling and hurting people because you don’t negotiate and set boundaries. She says it is more necessary virtually than it is face to face. There are too many things that can happen to you online that we do not take into account. In real life things can take months but virtually you do them so fast. You may kiss a person on the first date virtually but not kiss in real life for months! Do not take the virtual world for granted. If anything is held back, like real pictures or real info be very careful. Do not expect more from someone than you are not willing to give.
He: Be honest and be who you are. If you really love that person you have to be who you are eventually. You might as well be clean from the get go. Do not lie! If you are overweight say that. If they love you they love you with or without it. Don’t be afraid of who you are. You have to love yourself to love anyone else. You can’t think the world is out to get you. You have to be able to say ‘Hey I’m alright’. You have to see how great you are for someone else to see it. Always communicate. Do not lie and say it’s nothing when it really is, even when it has nothing to do with the one you love. This way it’s out on the table.
“We judge ourselves on our intentions but we judge others on our expectations”……don’t.
We hope that this has been informative for you! We are also interested in your thoughts and questions you might have. Please feel free to contact us here if you have questions for our couple or if you feel you can contribute a different outlook that might help us bridge the gap between reality and real life.
Bridging the Gap by Karmel