The Feather
This section, called “The Feather”, will be in each issue of Belle Vie going forward. It is dedicated to all mothers who have lost children.
Winged creatures such as eagles, other birds, butterflies, and other feathered animals are symbolic and represent that our departed loved ones are still with us.
This magazine was created after the death of my 24-year-old son, Charles, who died in a car crash in August 2017.
I realized that there is a language that only mothers who have lost children understand. It’s not that people lack compassion for those who are in mourning, rather there is a unique level of grief that mothers who have lost children share. The feather is also symbolic for fathers, siblings and others who experience loss, but its has special significance for mothers. We are the ones who carried the child in our bodies for nine months. We share our DNA, our very substance. To a mother, a child is literally part of us. When you hear a woman say, “a part of me died when my child died”, it is true, a part of us died too.
There are no words to describe the shock when you learn your child has taken their last breath and will never again walk through your door. The pain is a heart wrenching, never ending nightmare.
As a trauma specialized clinical therapist, I have extensive experience dealing with grief. The term “healing” does not pertain in such a circumstance. Wounds, broken bones and infections “heal”. With the death of a child, it’s a painful process taken one day at time where you learn to live again. Our lives are forever changed. We are forever changed.
There is no exact prescription for mourning. It is a highly individualized, painful process. A roller coaster of emotional swings is to be expected. Talking, crying and writing are just few ways we grieve and honor our departed children. There are a myriad of ways such mothers manifest their grief.
For me it was if time stood still. I was “frozen”. It was all I could do to get through the next minute, hour and day. I stayed close to certain family members. I was blessed to still have my son’s wife, their baby, and my other children. My son had just married the love of his life before he died and they had a beautiful baby girl. My son also had many life long friends. They all gathered in our home in the days after he died and we shared our collective grief. We continue to gather periodically and share loving memories of Charles.
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