Y
ou decide you want to
make a big change in your
life, say a career move and
it’s really really exciting. For
about five minutes and then “re-
ality” sets in. That voice in your
head starts trash talking you.
“How do you think YOU will do
this? There are millions of people
better at this than you and ev-
eryone knows there are 720000
applicants for each job. How will
you pay the rent and bills if you
don’t get a job? You don’t have
enough experience.”
You get invited to go on holiday
with a group of new girlfriends.
Yippee. They must really like
you. It will be just like in the
movies. Oh, but wait. “They’re
all thinner than you, You need
to lose weight, you never to the
gym, you can’t wear a bikini
in front of them. What if they
want to go somewhere really
fancy-pants and you have noth-
ing to wear? What if they’re all
super casual and expect you to
go hiking in shorts and not wear
any make-up.
You go shopping for a friend’s
birthday present and happily
buy them something knowing
you would never spend “that
kind of money on this” if it was
for yourself but this is a “special
occasion”.
You plan a whole day to yourself
doing exactly what you please.
Doesn’t matter if that’s tight-
rope walking across the Nile or
spending the day under the du-
vet binge watching your fav TV
show. It’s your day. You’ve been
working really hard and you’ve
been looking forward to it. You’ve
EARNED this. The night before
a friend, co-worker or relative
calls and says they “really really
need your help and they hate to
bother you and they wouldn’t ask
but they’re desperate and they
have nobody else to turn to” so
you cancel your day and go help
them redecorate their bread bin/
walk the budgie/ discover the joy
of tidying (SERIOUSLY?!! the
JOY of tidying. I have a very dif-
ferent definition of JOY and I’m a
certified Happiness Coach). and crippling self doubt. I’ve
been there, I’ve said it, heard it,
felt it, lived it. There is nothing
no matter how vile, cruel, spite-
ful, untrue or unprovoked that
you have ever thought to your-
self that I haven’t. I embraced
that fear, that voice, that hateful
inner dialogue and it led me to
depression, a suicide attempt,
homelessness. When I say I know
it feels REAL I mean it. I also
promise it’s not.
Okay, I think you’re smart
enough to get where this is going.
I’m sure I can come up with a
few gazillion other examples.
Several things happen when we
behave the ways I’ve described
above. First of all Our thoughts
create our reality and we choose
our thoughts. That voice in your
head that instantly starts trash
talking you as soon as you yearn
to grow and move closer to your
dreams, isn’t real. It’s a combi-
nation of fear, limiting beliefs Nobody is born believing they
cannot be anything they want
or do anything they like. I spent
thirty years working with chil-
dren. Never saw one get up and
walk without falling over first. A
LOT. They all learned to walk.
Not one sat down and listened
to an inner monologue saying
“Give up. You’re a loser. You can’t
do this. It’s not for you”. Want
to know why? I believe it’s quite
simple. Nobody had started say-
ing those things to them. Nobody
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