Badassery Magazine October 2017 Issue 17 | Page 25

T
ransitions…life is full of
them, yes? I think there
are three phases of transi-
tion: transitioning from, in-the-
middle, and transitioning to.
I just turned 40, not a month
prior to this writing, and I’ve
been pondering transitions in
my life, both those I’ve pursued
and those that have pursued me
– for good or ill. I am not where
Transitions can be either planned I thought I’d be at 40, had you
or can sneak up unawares, when asked me ten or fifteen years ago.
suddenly you look around and
I would not have described this
think, hey, I’m leaving this stage life as it stands. But it is mine,
for something else. Things begin
and mine alone, and I am proud
to close up, conclude, your inter- of who I’ve fought to be and the
est in it might wane giving way
things and people I’ve fought to
to shiny new object syndrome.
have in my life.
Leaving a relationship, or a job,
or deciding to move to a new lo-
Honestly, turning the page into
cation, or leaving a phase of your this new decade is a transition
life behind for a newer chapter.
for me – I have to leave behind
a decade that largely defined
Sometimes anxiety or panic
who I am now. I was reasonably
accompanies transitions: fear of
comfortable with 30s Sadie and
the unknown. What if I make
where she was headed…then
a mistake? What if I get there
smack! I hit a wall at the end
and realize I should have stayed
of that decade and was forced
here? Alternately…what if I hesi- into this new one. I’m feeling
tate and I lose my chance?
some subtle shifts in mentality,
in emotions. I’m seeing things
What if I’m not good at this new
developed further and more nu-
thing? What if I fail?
anced than they were a few years
ago or when I turned 30.
Part of this transition has includ-
ed reverting back to being single
(except with kids!) and figuring
out that whole world of dating
again. But I’m finding a greater
degree of comfort and unapol-
ogeticness in my identity. I do
not require myself any longer to
meet everyone’s needs ahead of
my own. I do not require myself
to do everything asked of me; I
feel permission by virtue of age
to specialize: I do this and this; I
do not do that.
I have stripes, and I wear them
proudly, if somewhat hesitantly
at times. But I do not apolo-
gize for them any longer: I’ve
earned them. I’ve fought for my
right to be here, and some of
those stripes hurt. Some of them
I don’t want, and I wish the
growth that happened because
of them could have happened
another way. But it didn’t. These
new wounds will close them-
24