Badassery Magazine November 2017 Issue 18 - Page 51

H i, I'm Lisa Kleinsasser and I am living a happy and fulfilling life. I live my passion and pur- pose helping others as a Transfor- mation Healing Guide through the use of Hypnotherapy and Reiki, as well as other modalities. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life (other than having my kids and grand kids of course) along with my friends and support circle that is amazing. .... but it wasn't always that way. My dad left us when I was about 3 years old. Just before my 5th birth- day (1974) my mom thrust me into a blended family (4 sibling pods), so not only did I have a 'new' dad but I also had 5 new siblings as well as my half brother and sister from my mom's first marriage. My mom raised her new husband's youngest three children (ages 6, 7, and 8 when we moved in) full-time along with my siblings and I, there was no involvement from the other parents. The other sibling pod (2 girls) didn't become a part of our life until a few years later. Not only was I the 'only' child from my mom's second marriage but I was also the youngest of all the kids. I never felt I belonged, rather I felt like the black sheep. I also never felt accepted or approved of by my family or anyone. No matter how hard I tried to please every- one it never seemed good enough. School was very difficult for me, I had maybe 2 or 3 friends through- out the 13 years. I lost my dad to suicide on my 9th Birthday so with the accumulation of feeling like a black sheep, losing my dad, and being raised in an environment where I felt I didn't belong I was left feeling depressed & suffering from anxiety. I was criticized for being too sensitive or over emo- tional because I wore my heart on my sleeve. I never felt understood. I couldn't wait until I graduated so I could get the hell out of that teeny tiny town. I went into adult relationships with men looking to be accepted, approved of, and loved, instead I allowed myself to be abused, manipulated, and controlled. I got involved with men who had addictions and I found myself going from relationship to relationship hoping things would change, hoping someone would eventually love me, accept me, and approve of me. As if one suicide wasn't enough I had to endure losing my son's (now 17 years old) father to suicide in early 2003. I was a single mom of 4 boys, raising them 24/7 365 days a year on my own with no child support what-so-ever. I was on Income As- sistance for many years, and later given my Person With Disabilities Status due to my depression, anx- iety and PTSD. I was never one to just 'sit' on the system, I always knew there was something bigger and better out there … I just didn't know what it was! It seemed one disaster after another occurred in my life. I moved a lot with kids in tow, always thinking the grass was greener on the other side and that somewhere someday I would meet a man who would love, accept, and approve of me and my kids. In my journey to overcome the pain of the traumatic life I had endured I tried years of group and individual counseling. I felt like a complete failure because I just couldn't seem to get my life to- gether. Was I ever going to become the person I felt I was destined to be or were my kids going to lose the only parent they knew? You might say my life was a natu- ral disaster In April 2012 the only person I had left who loved me uncondi- tionally passed away quickly and unexpectedly, it left me com- pletely broken. My mom was all I had and as much as we butted heads and fought like raging bulls we loved one another deeply, we were definitely Soul Mates. She was always there to dry my tears and tell me how strong I was, and how proud she was of me! On my 40th Birthday she said I had lived •Ή½Υ ±₯ٕ́™½Θ€ΤΑ•½Α±”€‘$Ρ‘₯Ή¬)$΄ΥΐΡΌ…Ё±•…ΝЀ܁Ή½ά€„„%Ёѽ½¬)΅”€ΘΈΤε•…ΊѼ•Π½Ω•ΘΡ‘”‘•…Ρ )½˜΅δ΅½΅΅„ΈΥΙ₯Ήœ΅δ‘•…±₯Ήœ)$™₯Ή…±±δΙ•…±₯镐Ρ‘…Ё͑”έ…́΅δ)Υ₯‘₯Ήœ±₯‘Ё™Ι½΄…‰½Ω”Έ$…±έ…εΜ)­Ή•ά$έ…́‘₯™™•Ι•ΉΠ°$…±έ…εΜ)‰•±₯•Ω•₯ΈΉ•±Μ…Ή„!₯‘•Θ)A½έ•ΘΈ]‘•Έ΅δ΅½΄Α…ΝΝ•$)Ι•…±₯镐Ρ‘…Ё͑”Ρ½Ό‘…₯™ΡΜ°½ΥΘ)Ρ•±•Α…Ρ‘δέ₯Ρ ½Ή”…Ή½Ρ‘•Θέ…Μ)Ν½΅•Ρ‘₯Ήœ•±Ν”„M‘”‘…₯™Ρ́ё…Π)Ν‘”έ…ΝΈΠ…έ…Ι”½˜½Θ΅…剔Ν‘”)݅́‰ΥЁ͑”Ή•Ω•ΘΥΉ‘…ΙΉ•ΝΝ•)Ρ‘•΄°₯ΉΝΡ•…Ν‘”ΝΡΥ™™•Ρ‘•΄Έ) •…ΥΝ”½˜Ρ‘₯́͑”έ…ΝΈΠ…‰±”ΡΌ)Υ₯‘”΅”½Έ΅δ©½ΥΙΉ•δ…ΉΡ•… )΅”‘½άΡΌΥΝ”΅δ₯™Ρ́‰ΥЁ$­Ή½ά)έ₯Ρ‘½ΥЁ„‘½Υ‰ΠΝ‘”₯́‘•™₯Ή₯Ρ•±δ)Υ₯‘₯Ήœ΅”Ή½άΈ5δ€Δ́啅ȁ½±)Ν½Έ…±ΝΌ‘…́₯™Ρ́…Ή±₯­”΅δ5½΄)…Ή$°‘”Ρ½Ό₯́…Έ•΅Α…Ρ Έ$…΄)‘•±₯‘Ρ•Ρ‘…Ё$…Έ‰”½Α•Έ…‰½ΥΠ)΅δ₯™Ρ́…ΉΝ‘…Ι”Ρ‘•΄έ₯Ρ ‘₯΄°)$έ…ΉΠ‘₯΄ΡΌ™••°½Ή™₯‘•ΉΠ₯Έ)‰•₯ΉœΡ‘”Α•ΙΝ½Έ‘”έ…́ΑΥЁ‘•Ι”)½Έ…ΙΡ ΡΌ‰”Έ)½Θ½Ω•Θ€Θΐε•…Ί$έ…ΉΡ•ΡΌ•Ή)΅δ±₯™”΅½Ι”½™Ρ•ΈΡ‘…ΈΉ½Π°Ρ‘…Π)݅́չΡ₯°$έ…́₯ΉΡΙ½‘Ս•ΡΌ‘εΐ΄)Ή½Ρ‘•Ι…Αδ₯Έ5…ɍ €ΘΐΔάΈέ‘½±”)Ή•άέ½Ι±½Α•Ή•Υΐ…Ή$™½ΥΉ)΅εΝ•±˜‘…Ή₯Ήœ½Ω•ΙΉ₯‘ΠΈ!εΐ΄)Ή½Ρ‘•Ι…Α䁑…́΅…‘”ΝՍ „Α½Ν€΄)Ρ₯Ω”₯΅Α…Π½Έ΅δ±₯™”±₯­”Ή½Ρ‘₯Ήœ)•Ω•Θ‰•™½Ι”Έ%Ё±₯Ё„™₯Ι”₯Έ΅δΝ½Υ°Έ)%Έ½Ή±δ€άΝ‘½ΙЁ΅½ΉΡ‘́΅δ±₯™”(Τΐ