Badassery Magazine June 2018 Issue 25 - Page 47

R ecently on a podcast inter- view (yet to be aired!) I was asked a question: if you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would it be? I had never considered this ques- tion before, but as soon as she asked me a specific memory popped into my head. I was six years old and had just received a really cool bike for my birthday. It had a Goofy flag on the back of the bike (literally the Dis- ney character, not just an adjective in this case) and a new bell to ring on the hand bars. But this isn't a happy memory. I never met my father; he aban- doned our family when I was still in my mom's belly. She went through a messy divorce with this verbally abusive deserter all while carrying me. I'm not sure if there is any re- search to back this up, but I believe that I struggle with depression and anxiety because those conditions wracked my mom's body while I was inside. How could I not feel my mom's suffering? I believe they are deeply ingrained in me now. She remarried when I was five, and I was on top of the world. I was so excited to have a dad, and so I started calling him "daddy" (pronounced "deddy" in the South) right away. This time in my life was full of sur- prises and confusion. Even tho