safely and in a way that protected my career .
Through everything I learned , I was able to confront the harassment in a way that my harasser apologized , changed his behavior , and we were able to work together for years after . Now , I know that it is possible to create a healthy work environment and end sexual harassment without quitting .
Here are three tips from what I learned :
First , Going Along with Bad Behavior Encourages It . If you were taking care of a toddler who was having bad behavior – say he ’ s hitting other kids and stealing cookies – it would encourage him to continue that behavior if you laugh at it , ignore it , and then leave
“ HARASSMENT HAPPENS IN A MOMENT , BUT OUR THOUGHTS ABOUT IT CAN CONTINUE ON
the playground so he can have more space . Often , this is exactly what we do , though , with sexual harassment . When we abandon the playground ( our jobs ) to go find a different playground where there are no mean kids , we are giving space to the mean kids . Now , sometimes that may be the right decision , and each of us has to make that decision for ourselves , but leaving our jobs makes more space for our harasser .
But , how would you treat a toddler with bad behavior ? Is this situation
FOR YEARS .”
really so different ?
Second , Our Stories About the Harassment Are the Most Painful Part . Harassment happens in a moment , but our thoughts about it can continue on for years . I often see with my clients that they get trapped in a debate about what the harassment means about them : They think something must be wrong with them , and then they argue back that nothing is wrong with them . Trapped in this debate , they dwell on the harassment and it has a long-range impact on them .
JULY 2018 • 59