Badassery Magazine July 2018 Issue 26 - Page 15

we lose what we first had? At some point, our fun-loving relationship turned into one that was unhealthy, toxic, and killing who I was inside. When did you turn into this horrible thing right before my eyes? You have left scars on my heart and my soul that may never fully heal. You suddenly turned into an aggressive, manipulative, controlling thing in my life. You made me do things I would have never done without you. You got me into situations formal in college, you were the reason my relationship with my parents was almost destroyed, and you were the reason some of the friends that meant more to me than anything in the world were torn away from me. I found myself feeling such a dependence on you that I wasn’t sure how to be confident or how to be me without you there. You made me into the outgoing, bubbly “OUR FUN-LOVING RELATIONSHIP TURNED INTO ONE THAT WAS UNHEALTHY, TOXIC, AND KILLING WHO I WAS INSIDE.” I should have never been in. You were the reason I never made it past the bus ride to my sorority young woman I was. You made me into the life of the party. You filled me with the false sense of confidence that I exuded on a dance floor every weekend in the skimpiest outfit. You were the reason I got the attention I was so used to receiving. I looked forward to our weekends together, because that was the time I felt most like myself. You had become such a huge piece of my puzzle that I didn’t know how to feel like myself without you anymore. It took some time, and it sure wasn’t easy to leave you. People told me you weren’t good for me, but I secretly didn’t want to hear it. There were many times I considered if we could ever be together again, to go back to what we once were. Sometimes when I saw photos of us together, I missed you. Maybe after some time had passed we could be together again... if things were different... JULY 2018 • 15