YOU WANT TO KNOW THE HONEST-TO-GOD TRUTH OF IT ALL ?
A few weeks ago , I messaged Samantha ( you know , the HBIC of Badassery Magazine ) to ask if I could submit an article for the upcoming January issue .
She sent back , “ Sure ! I need it by December 15th - can you meet the deadline ?”
I replied , “ No problem !” and immediately began considering the long list of business topics I could talk about . Maybe an article on how cliches in your branding photos hurt more than they help ? Or maybe one on how to know when it ’ s time to raise your rates ?
As I was pondering this , Sam sent one last message - “ The theme of the issue is self care - I know you ’ ll come up with something great for this topic !”
My mind went blank .
I had nothing - nothing at all - to say on that topic .
Not wanting to ever let on that I am less than 100 % perfect and competent in all areas of life , however . I replied back - “ Sounds great ! I can ’ t wait !”
And then I promptly pushed the whole conversation to the back of my mind . I wasn ’ t TOO worried - I mean , I ’ m a WRITER . People pay me for my great ideas and amazing storytelling style all the time , so surely something would come to me .
My brain has never let me down before , so I could totally depend on a genius idea to pop up at some point , right ? ... ...
...
As I write this , it ’ s December 15th , aka due day . I ’ m still waiting on that great idea , brain . Any minute now .
HERE ’ S THE DEAL .
I , Misha Hettie , Giver of Givers , Thought Leader , and All Around Queen of Helping Others , am EPICALLY BAD AT SELF CARE .
When I think of even the concept of self-care , something born of my true-blue dirt and hardscrabble ancestry comes up in my heart and declares that , “ NO . Self care is for ladies who lunch . Ladies who moisturize their cuticles and take mud baths and buy $ 300 Agent Provocateur undies . It ’ s not for hard-working go-getting boot-strapping bossy broads like me !”
And so I shut the idea down . Again and again .
To be fair , this isn ’ t just a ME problem . I come from a long line of women who rank self care right up there with putting on a glimmering tiara and going to an enchanted tea party - it seems like the stuff of childhood dreams and fairy tales .
My mom - mother of seven - wore the same pair of sneakers until they had holes in the soles , and then she ’ d buy the same cheap-ass pair ( probably on clearance ) and start the process all over again . The Band-Aids on her hands from always washing all the dishes and doing all the cleaning - in addition to a full time job - were some sort of Mom Medal of Honor . Oh , and by the way - did I mention she was also the PTA President ? Because OF COURSE she was the PTA President ? ( She ’ s still alive , but most of us are grown and moved out now , so hopefully she can buy herself some nice sneakers !)
Her mom before her - mother of eight - cooked every meal , cleaned every mess , wiped all the noses , volunteered for every cause , prayed for anyone and everyone , shared everything she had - a veritable Giving Tree of a woman .
My dad ’ s mom - also a mother of eight - raised all the kids on her own after her alcoholic husband took off AND became the first female Postmaster General of Caliente , Nevada . Later , she raised several of her grandkids , too , because that ’ s just what you do when someone needs you - you step in and give give give .
I love these women . They ’ re my family , and I wouldn ’ t be ME without the fruits of all their labors - literally and figuratively .
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ?
As time passes , I ’ ve learned one simple thing about living your life as a giver 100 % of the time .
There ’ s no merit badge for it .
No special sash . No Top Honors for ignoring what you want - stuffing it down so freakin ’ deep you can ’ t feel what you ’ re missing - so you can tend to the needs of others . You don ’ t get to cut in front of all the non-givers at the Pearly Gates .
And worst of all ?
You don ’ t get a second crack at the crazy pinata called Life . It ’ s one and done .
There ’ s no coming back and doing it on your terms NEXT TIME . You only get THIS TIME . No one lives in your head and heart but you , so chances are if you ’ ve given
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