Badassery Magazine Issue 7 December - Page 49

drinks. And more shots. And down the hatch they went. I was no longer worried about a Cubs win, but for her safety. Something about a solo, 100-pound, 40-something woman doing shots on a Wednesday night with a bunch of men terrified me to the core. With equal parts concern and curiosity, I followed her into the restroom. She managed to do her business, and made her way back to her table unassisted. A man I presumed to be her husband helped her stagger out of the bar a short time later. I felt physically ill watching this unfold, and still can’t shake that moment from my memory bank. I totally get that as women we feel pressured to keep up with the boys - at work and at play. I have brothers. My business colleagues are men. I love sports. And I’m a good Irish girl, so of course I love beer. I’ve been on that barstool. Trying to match them drink for drink, following their lead in social situations. Trying to keep pace so as not to annoy the waitress or bartender. Being polite when someone buys me a drink. shot, smile, say thank you, and then dump it. Or, give it away, or set it on the bar. Don’t worry - you won’t hurt their feeling. They’re drunk. Or will be soon enough. Know your limits. The most badass woman in the room is the one who stands tall, and carries herself with grace, poise, and charm. She doesn’t slur her words, or stagger about the room, or fall all over people, or shamelessly flirt with nearby randoms. Sloppy Drunk Girl is never mistaken for a badass or a boss. Be Uber smart. Designate a driver. It’s pretty tough to be a badass from a jail cell. Cheers, bosses! Merry, merry Badassery! About the Author But here’s the thing: men’s body chemistry is entirely different than ours. Our hormones have a significant effect on how we metabolize alcohol. So to think we’re equals when it comes to booze is simply foolish and careless. This isn’t about women’s equality. It’s about physiology and chemistry. And doing shots is akin to mainlining alcohol. Flat out stupid, if you ask me. And damn expensive! Male or female, there is absolutely nothing bosslike or badass about being so intoxicated you cannot keep yourself in an upright and locked position, let alone safely navigate your way to a restroom. So, as we approach this season of holiday merriment, please aspire to booze like a badass. Remember these simple rules: Shots = not hot. Sure, guys think it’s cool that you can hang with them, until they end up babysitting your drunk ass and cleaning up the hot mess you made. Dump it. Don’t drink it. If someone buys you a Maggie Fitzgerald is the Chief Strategist at Mpowered Marketing. A Chicago native, Maggie is an opinionated writer, photographer, speaker, sports fan, beer drinker, dog lover, and digger of both earthly and digital dirt. She currently resides in Kansas City, Mo., with her beloved rescue dogs.  