Badassery Magazine Issue 5 October - Page 21

I was raised in a very controlling, very fundamentalist home in the South of the United States. Every year we’d move because that’s about how long it took the bill collectors to find us. My mother and her husband were not Christians, nor did they go to church, but no matter where we moved they would find the most restrictive congregation available and chat with the pastor about how I was to be told what to do, when to do it, and by God he should slap the shit out of me if I gave him any lip. But I was the rebellious type. There was always a yearning inside of me for deep secrets, mysteries, and to live a life connected to a Higher Power. Over the years as I distanced myself from my birth family and my religion, I struggled for answers. While others were partying and drinking in college I was reading the Quran, the Dhammapada, and the Bhagavad Gita. Eventually I drifted into nature religions, Wicca, Druid studies, and Shamanishm. vitamin D deficiency, I’d just like to say get some sun emo chicks. And still nothing felt badass enough to soothe my Soul. But the fluffy bunnies, oh that was another story. Because love and light SOUNDS so good. It sounds like an answer to the question of your Soul’s Desire. When I finally realized that all the religions and spiritual practices basically taught the same stories and often included the same characters (though with different names), I set out to find a community of like-minded people who could be free. Being one who doesn’t do drugs, I had a hard time with this. There were plenty of communities that promoted LSD, pot, and other psychotropics. I grew up in a house full of crack-users and heroine addicts, so no thanks. The other communities fell into two distinct groups: very depressed, sad pagans or super light, fluffy, love and light folks. It’s obvious to most that you can’t fully live in the dark, and as someone who recently suffered from a Until you realize that it isn’t. Because in the Light and Love groups, you’re not allowed to have any darkness. You’re not allowed to have bad days or talk about those sad experiences. And those “negative” emotions? Well you’d better stuff those down int o a deep, dark well of your heart where no one can find them. This is NO WAY to live. You are a beautiful human being, a Soul full of strength, vibrancy, light, and badassery. But let’s face it: Some days suck. 20