M
oving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend is
a big step in any relationship. Many couples find living under the same roof brings
them closer and is a logical interim between dating
and marriage. But not every relationship grows
stronger under the stresses that can accompany
cohabitation. Some couples grow stronger while
others fall apart.
Newly engaged couple Kayla and Andrew, together
three years, learned early on that even the best laid
plans can change in an instant. After ten months of
dating, Kayla asked Andrew, who was living with
his parents, if he wanted to live together.
“I said no,” says Andrew. “I said no for a variety of
reasons which, looking back, were totally illegitimate and stupid.”
While Kayla was disappointed, their relationship
continued as before. Then, Andrew was offered a
job in San Francisco. While the career opportunity
was everything he wanted, he knew he couldn’t
do it without Kayla. Two months after rejecting
her invitation to move in together, the pair found
themselves living in a new city, with new jobs, a
new apartment and a new random roommate.
“It was just a cluster of emotions...We had to figure out each other, then at the same time we’re
figuring out this other dude,” says Andrew. “Yeah.
Don’t do that,” Kayla agrees.
With so many changes at once, it was sink or swim
for the duo. Yet even with long commutes, a new
lifestyle and a strange roommate, their bond became stronger than ever.
“I was at such a high stress level,” recalls Kayla, “If
he had reacted with high stress as well, it wouldn’t
have worked out the way it did...He’s really good
at trying to figure out how we are going to come
to a solution together.” They both attribute their
successful relationship to their collective abilities
to communicate and work through problems as a
team.
“It’s not about coming to a compromise all the
time, but about finding a solution,” Andrew reiterates. “We come to a mutual understanding with an
actual goal we can work towards.”
Roseann & Jeffrey
Kayla & Andrew
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