There are so many possibilities of where your own sexuality can take you . However , we often feel trapped and undeserving .
I used to think sex was off limits , not for me , a dirty gross thing that I couldn ’ t enjoy until marriage . It took me years to understand that sex was for me . It existed specifically for my pleasure and enjoyment . To this day the word “ pleasure ” still gives me a slight raw skin feeling { reminiscent of la vagina } and I still have to remind myself that it is a beautiful thing .
We all hold stories we ’ ve been told about sex , about our own sexuality and what is expected of us as a sexual being . In order for us , as women , to fully let go of tightening fear and shame that ’ s been conditioned into our psyche , we have to let go of the antiquated rules that don ’ t apply anymore . Only then can we beckon our orgasm to it ’ s max .
This might be the unsexy part , but it ’ s the cornerstone to relaxing into a world of infinite sensations--I assure you . After spending years confused and sexually frustrated , there were some major shifts that took place that helped me unlearn these archaic beliefs and arrive at a sex life of possibility and fluid pleasure .
1 . YOU ARE NOT BROKEN .
I spent the good half of my marriage obsessing over orgasm . I would spend so much time working myself up to full arousal and then my body would fail to meet expectations . The sexual energy coursing through my veins would work me to tears and make me feel like a failure . I thought something was wrong with me and I assumed every other woman on earth was having multiple orgasms and sex 3x a day . When clearly , I was not .
I had to accept that my experience with my sexuality and my partner was unique and exactly what it needed to be at the time , rather than what I felt it should be . And even though my sex life was a little rough right now , it wasn ’ t because there was something wrong with me . I was perfect , and I was meant to feel more pleasure--that was my journey .
2 . YOU ARE NOT ALONE
The change really began when I became more vocal about sex . I started talking to my friends about it and listening to their stories . I realized that our range of sexual experiences are vast . We are off the scale of what is unique . One friend would have multiple orgasms each time her and her husband had sex . An old co-worker who could only come through oral sex . While another friend hadn ’ t had an orgasm until she was 31 .
All women are at a different place in their sexual journey , but that doesn ’ t mean we can ’ t learn from each other ’ s stories . If I hadn ’ t asked my friends about their sex lives , I would never know what was possible . I recommend confiding in a trusted friend that you feel safe talking about this with or find a safe community where you can freely explore different perspectives and gain support in your own journey . You can join me and your fellow sex kittens online in the Sultry Salon today .
3 . KNOW YOURSELF
Women undergo a shock in early adulthood . As girls we ’ re expected to be pure and wholesome and when we hit 18 be crazy in bed , have already experienced it all , and be willing to do anything . This sets us up for a sexual identity crisis . When we ’ re only introduced to what men want--and not what we , as women , want--it can lead to sexual dysfunction , dissatisfaction , and even pain during sex . This is why discovering your personal , unique sexual identity is the key to unlocking layers of pleasure , in the bedroom and beyond . Even with the sweetest and gentlest of partners , if we don ’ t know how to please ourselves sexually , we ’ re left empty and broken because we aren ’ t feeding our sexual hunger .
Establishing your own , unique erotic flavor is the part of the story where things start to appear in color . You become turned on by things you may not have given a second thought before , and it ’ s exhilarating ! You lean into your body ’ s sensations , and you actually feel more than you did before . I promise you .
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