Badassery Magazine February 2018 Issue 21 - Page 52

shows how not ready I was. up again. I had A LOT of dissolving to do in the messy middle. Because that's what happens in there. To every- body. Like caterpillars we dissolve. And sadly we see that as proof we can't do or be what we want. That somehow this mess that is us or our lives is proof we suck. When actually it's completely the oppo- site. Because I needed to do more to reignite my creativity than “mere- ly” learn time management and use the time I had. Something that's essential for sure. But like a new year diet and gym routine you need to go deeper before you can change the surface. You don't get to skip the messy middle if you re- ally want change. The messy middle shows that you are learning the hard lessons you need. The caterpillar dissolves to become the butterfly. And I had to dive deep, get help and keep showing up even when I thought the pain was going to kill me. Then, when I finally learned dealing with my shit won't kill me, and only then, was I able to stand. And look around. And realized the universe does have your back. Even when it really doesn't feel like that at all. There is no A straight to C. It's A then B and finally C. 2016 was not the year of me. My son hated daycare. It took months for him to adjust. And before I could have the year of me I had to have the year of dissolving pain. The one that took me out at the knees every time I tried to stand We are not glorious despite our truths but because of them. We can't turn back time. We'll never be who we were. But we can integrate those lessons to be that glorious imperfect mess that makes us divinely human. Because just like the caterpillar doesn't know it has a cocoon, so often we forget that we do as well. And it's a process on repeat. Rath- er than running from it we should integrate it. Celebrate all of life. Not just the good parts version. Because we live through the cut scenes as well. Let's stop pretend- ing they don't exist. Let's be our full creative and vi- brant selves. Messy middles and all. Because it's in that place where pain is as vibrant as joy where the juice of life and creativity lives. We just need to go grab it.  Sherrie is a writer and is currently living aboard her boat Falkor with her family. She believes passionately in the ability of creativ- ity to heal. She also knows that life is messy and wonderful and painful and phenomenal.​ And writing helps sort all of those things out, which is why she created the Creative Mermaids. creativemermaids.com Sherrie McCarthy 51 