Badassery Magazine February 2018 Issue 21 - Page 32

we have to be boys and girls, I just want to be a PERSON!” and “I’m jealous of you that you feel like a girl, I feel like nothing, can’t I just be nothing?” to which I would re- ply, “Of course you can babe.” while deep down I was worried. I didn’t know how to handle this! I was intimately familiar with is- sues of self-love, but this wasn’t like my mom saying she was a “bad girl” when she ate a cookie… I could deal with that. I had been actively hiding my self-loathing from my boy, who thankfully didn’t even know self-loathing was a thing… this was different, he was in PAIN. A pain I knew nothing about. I didn’t know where to start. Google to the rescue! I discovered the binary and gender spectrum and we FINALLY had the power of language to guide the conversa- tion! I always felt like labels were bullshit but in that moment, I saw the beauty of connection. My boy knew he wasn’t the only person alive who felt like he did (previ- ous to that moment, he actually thought he was!) Amber Brio 31 I know I already told you the story of how I stopped hating on myself but here’s the really cool part, as my boy came into himself, all of the lessons I’d taught him came to life THROUGH him and I finally GOT IT! I could see a real-life 3-D version of active self-love and it blew my mind! Seeing what It looked like for reals was a game changer for me! I was great at redirecting my thoughts but still concerned my- self with how others thought of me. I was still hung up on being accepted. He showed me that much like happiness, acceptance is an INSIDE job! He has told me that he has dealt with some less than kind people but even when that happens he assumes that the asshole is the odd man out, not the other way around. WAY too often we as- sume that if one person is judging us that everyone is, but why do we stack the deck against ourselves like that!? What a powerful per- spective shift AWAY from a victim mentality. He writes his story and it’s a GREAT one. That moment in the mirror was nearly 5 years ago. I still redi- rect the occasional not 66PFVvB7F7FfVǒVFvRח6V`W72BfRח6Vbt&R7FFGFV2&RF&&^( b'W@rFBvFW'7V7FfRprvBB2ƖRFG'Vǒ@vfRgV6vB6VR2FЦrvVFWBRN( 2&WBЧGgV6r6&F72bRfBW'6VbWGFpFR6B6r'VFR֖2W VBV6RrFBR6ধVFvRW'6VbW72R6fPW'6Vb&RBRFW6W'fPFR6&VF&V7BW"FVvG0BWf7BFR7VGFW'2v&RWFvBGFW"vB7F'^( fR&VVFVƖrW'6Vb&W@rRvfBrRvW@Fw&FRFB7F'6VFrV6RfRBt2&W"'&2f6'VFrFW'2FF66fW"FV"FRt26P26FǗ7B66f"7&GVǒvgFVBVG&W&VWW'26'&FrGVFfPVƖrBW&RFfRVvW&VBF'W6W722vB6Rv2&&f"आW"v&2&VVFW67&&VB2( v2FR6^( &W.( 2֗76খƖfR2F&FR&F66VbfRBVFW'2V'&6RFV"W'6vW"FfGFƗfR&rBWFVF6ǒF&6RFRf'&F`WB6W'&VV6rFR7Fv2B6RF6eT4U2FFPFw2FB7&RW"BV6W&vRFW'2FFFR6R&W"2FPV6&ƗGF6V7B6VWfVvFW"6ƖVG26R7&VFW26V7W&P6fR6RFB&V6W2FRFf&f"6ƖVG2F'&VF&Vv&'&W'2FW'6G&6f&FBW6WfW'76&R&VbƖfR6R&RЦƖWfW2v26R2FRWFRbW"vv&&W"ƗfW2V&6VFǐ&VWFgV6WFW&WFvFW"WVǒv66vW&R6R6&RfV@F6rw&6W'7F&R6Ɩ&rVF"7v֖rVB&fW vVFW"W&֗GFrb6W'6R&W&'&6Ю("ZZZb(92i