Badassery Magazine December 2017 Issue 19 | Page 25

W
hat are triggers all
about? Well besides
pissing us off and
annoying the crap out of us, they
are opportunities to grow and
learn.
The same trigger will present it-
self until it has been faced. Trig-
gers are our shadow presenting
an opportunity to work through
our crap and reclaim part of our
self that has been denied.
Everyone has a shadow side.
You can not have light without a
shadow.
I have done things like crystal
workshops, aura workshops,
become a Reiki Master, been in
a Wiccan coven, Naturopathy,
Western Herbal Medicine, Life
Coaching, positive affirmations,
meditation groups, psychic
development groups and loads
of books (not that you can ever
have too many), loads of read-
ings and much more and all have
been great in teaching me things
I liked, loved and didn’t want
to do. With all this, I couldn’t
shake the shitty feelings I got
and the behavior that came
when I was triggered. To be real
honest I was ashamed and em-
barrassed of how, I reacted when
I was triggered. It was like this
angry monster appeared and
overtook my body. Once it was
out I felt I had no control. After
I exploded I would get down on
myself. I would beat myself up,
which made it worse. I wanted to
respond to triggers, not react like
some crazy monster bitch. So
then my shadow journey began.
This journey really began with
a break down with a very close
friend. It was a friendship that
was very dear to me. When this
friendship went down hill, so did
I. I was extremely upset and an-
gry. I felt anger like never before.
At the time I thought this anger
was because of what was hap-
pening. Looking back it was the
final straw, I couldn’t stuff my
anger, hurt and pain down any
more. It was eruption time.
I reacted like some monster
crazy bitch. I felt like I was
possessed and had no control. I
reacted and acted badly. I said
things and did things that led me
to feeling ashamed, guilty and
into depression.
I hated myself for this reactive
reaction. I made a promise
to myself that it was better to
respond rather than react. I was
in for a ride, because my journey
into my shadow begun.
It has taken many years to get to
a place where I look forward to
working with my shadow. When
I started my shadow journey it
was shit, messy and depressing.
Now with support and tech-
niques I willingly and lovingly do
shadow work regularly.
Huge part of shadow work is
taking responsibility for one's
self. Going back to when it all
erupted for me, it was my re-
sponsibility on how I reacted. It
had nothing to do with the other
person or anyone else that was
involved. I am my own person
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