Badassery Magazine December 2017 Issue 19 - Page 25

W hat are triggers all about? Well besides pissing us off and annoying the crap out of us, they are opportunities to grow and learn. The same trigger will present it- self until it has been faced. Trig- gers are our shadow presenting an opportunity to work through our crap and reclaim part of our self that has been denied. Everyone has a shadow side. You can not have light without a shadow. I have done things like crystal workshops, aura workshops, become a Reiki Master, been in a Wiccan coven, Naturopathy, Western Herbal Medicine, Life Coaching, positive affirmations, meditation groups, psychic development groups and loads of books (not that you can ever have too many), loads of read- ings and much more and all have been great in teaching me things I liked, loved and didn’t want to do. With all this, I couldn’t shake the shitty feelings I got and the behavior that came when I was triggered. To be real honest I was ashamed and em- barrassed of how, I reacted when I was triggered. It was like this angry monster appeared and overtook my body. Once it was out I felt I had no control. After I exploded I would get down on myself. I would beat myself up, which made it worse. I wanted to respond to triggers, not react like some crazy monster bitch. So then my shadow journey began. This journey really began with a break down with a very close friend. It was a friendship that was very dear to me. When this friendship went down hill, so did I. I was extremely upset and an- gry. I felt anger like never before. At the time I thought this anger was because of what was hap- pening. Looking back it was the final straw, I couldn’t stuff my anger, hurt and pain down any more. It was eruption time. I reacted like some monster crazy bitch. I felt like I was possessed and had no control. I reacted and acted badly. I said things and did things that led me to feeling ashamed, guilty and into depression. I hated myself for this reactive reaction. I made a promise to myself that it was better to respond rather than react. I was in for a ride, because my journey into my shadow begun. It has taken many years to get to a place where I look forward to working with my shadow. When I started my shadow journey it was shit, messy and depressing. Now with support and tech- niques I willingly and lovingly do shadow work regularly. Huge part of shadow work is taking responsibility for one's self. Going back to when it all erupted for me, it was my re- sponsibility on how I reacted. It had nothing to do with the other person or anyone else that was involved. I am my own person 24