on my dreams.
But these things aren’t a recipe
for success. There’s one element
missing.
My 20s were a lot of fun, but I
also had a lot of stumbles. I found
myself in job after job that I hated
with bosses that loved to yell and
demoralize their workers. I finally
broke free and became a freelancer,
which is when I found myself in a
live-in relationship with an abusive
alcoholic. Of course, I knew better,
health. I had to quit my job because
I couldn’t walk; I could barely keep
my eyes open. Eventually I was
diagnosed with a chronic illness
and medicated, which helped.
Eventually I decided to go back
home and visit my parents for a
few months while I rested.
Just because I’m highly educated
and know better, doesn’t mean I
can stand up to a scary manager
when I’m being unfairly treated.
Just because I know how to
successfully
defend
myself
“ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT TODAY IS A NEW DAY. YOU
ARE A NEW PERSON. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, AND
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.”
but knowing I deserved better is
much different than acting as if I
deserved better. As my personal
life began deteriorating, so did my
doesn’t mean that I’m going to
fight back when my ex would slam
me around during a fight. Just
because warning signs are right in
front of us, doesn’t mean we heed
them.
The idea of self care is trendy.
A simple Google search will
yield endless ways we can treat
ourselves. But really, self care
is about self love. Why did I find
myself in controlling and abusive
situations in my 20s? Because
I cared more about them than I
cared about myself.
In getting caught up in a guise of
love and compassion, I hurt myself
far more than I ever intended. Every
concession I’ve ever agreed to,
every temper tantrum I’ve quelled,
every delicate ego I’ve stepped
around meant that I compromised
myself.
This may seem like an unnecessary
escalation. After all, how can it be
harmful to compromise, especially
when you care about another
person? One of my favorite
AUGUST 2018 • 49