letter
So glad I waited to write my
column until the last minute
(as usual). I’m reflecting on the
9 holes of golf I played with
my son Shayne today. If I had
written this earlier
Shayne did time with
Backspin last year, and he’s now
focusing on finishing school –
and moving OUT. But it was
really nice hanging out with him
today, cheering on his golf game
and making fun of mine.
Before we went to play, Jake
told me that I should not use this
time to lecture him on anything,
and I didn’t. Actually, we didn’t
talk about anything important at
all. We just talked golf – and it
was perhaps the best two hours
I’ve spend with him in a few
years.
Parenting young adults is
tough. Now that I sound like a
little old lady, I’ll say that my kids
have actually been on the easier
side of tough; however, they
have definitely been bucking the
system and trying to make their
own way.
Shayne moved out of his
apartment last November and
back home to avoid signing a
new lease ahead of his May
graduation, or what had better
be his graduation anyway. Any
parent whose child moves back
home knows that it’s not really
the kid that’s scary. Sure, it takes
a little getting used to – late
nights through the garage door,
a weird Walk On’s work schedule
that interrupts our 8-5 world and
dirty clothes that somehow sneak
into our pile.
That’s only the beginning.
Shayne’s a little older, so
I don’t have to worry about
friends drifting in and out, and
his girlfriend is really respectful
of our space. Check off another
box for “not a problem.”
The problem is that his stuff
is everywhere. He has had to
use his old room basically as a
storage bin, and he’s sleeping in
the guest room, what we typically
call Jake’s mom’s room. It has
really made it feel like we’re
parenting an 8-year old again.
When are you cleaning your
room?
Why are you staying up so
late?
How was school today?
It’s amazing how we have
back-peddled in parenting. And
we’re definitely trying to develop
boundaries.
Golf today, though, stole us
from our house of frustration and
focused energy elsewhere. I found
myself quickly understanding
how business deals are so easily
made on the course. The weeds
are left back at the office, and
you see the big picture.
My big picture today was
realizing that this kid is polite,
he has adopted a game that he
will play for the rest of his life,
and he loves his mom. He was
so supportive today that I could
actually call some of my holes
a name instead of a number. I
made a bogey today. I was pretty
proud of that. I made a couple
of doubles. And Shayne shot
one over. He was so proud.
I started off today with a plan.
I was going to talk to him about
the mess in his room. I was going
to tell him he needs to make sure
his transfer credit was in order
for graduation. I was going to
tell him how mad I was that he
changed our tee time from 11 to
11:40 because he stayed up too
late last night.
But when he got there, it was
all about hanging out with him
and enjoying God’s beautiful
day. I didn’t mean to not talk to
him about the important stuff; I
just didn’t want to. And we had
fun.
That’s golf. It’s just fun. That’s
all.
Amber
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