nd right ways to use humor—but there are
ents need to know the difference.”
Humor is also like glue, though, in that it can
be toxic. There are right times and right places
and right ways to use humor—but there are
many more wrong ones, and parents need to
know the difference.
Teasing is warm and fun when it’s welcome
and gentle and the teasing goes back and forth.
But it’s cruel when it tips over into ridicule, or
when one person is always the butt of the joke,
or when a genuine weakness or insecurity is
mocked. Teasing someone for always getting A’s
is fine; mocking someone who’s struggling in a
class isn’t.
And using humor to air grievances or to attack
someone is a nasty sport. I have relatives who’ll
say absolutely horrible things to one another in a
joking tone and then—adding insult to injury—
accuse the victim of having “no sense of humor”
if he justifiably feels hurt. Cruelty in a joking
tone is still cruelty.
And while sarcasm can be good clean fun
between two people old enough and aware
enough to volley mischievously with each other,
I hate when people use it on or around little kids,
who are usually bewildered by comments that
make everyone else laugh for a reason they can’t
understand. There’s something mean to me about
misleading a child by using a tone that doesn’t
match your words.
Humor should be used to unify people, not
exclude or hurt them.
How do our April Fools’ Day jokes fit into
that? Well, the kids and I certainly feel unified
when we giggle and plot the day before to figure
out how to affectionately “get” their dad. Plus
Rob gets to enjoy the catharsis of relief when
the sick child springs up perfectly healthy, the
backpack appears in the car, the college major
stays on course, and everyone is shouting a fond
“April Fools’!” in his ear. I’m pretty sure he’s
good with it.
Pretty sure.
Claire grew up in
Newton, Massachusetts,
went to Harvard and
moved to LA. She has
written five novels
for adults, two YA
novels, and co-wrote
Overcoming Autism
and Growing up on
the Spectrum for young adults with autism and
Asperger’s. She lives in the Pacific Palisades with
her husband Rob, and her four kids.