IN MY SKIN
Karen Murcia
21
I ’ ve always suffered from anxiety and depression . I ’ m very insecure , and my insecurities have gotten bigger over time . It got to the point where I didn ’ t want to live like that anymore . You don ’ t want to live when you ’ re all scared and anxious and feel like people are staring at you . You don ’ t want to live when you ’ re not comfortable with yourself . Everyone is going through something . But when depression starts to interfere with your daily routine , that ’ s when you have a problem . It was happening to me . I was failing at university . I ’ d get ready in the morning and have breakfast and everything , but then I couldn ’ t leave the house . I would start shaking and crying .
The first time I tried to commit suicide , my mom found me and didn ’ t do anything because she didn ’ t want me to have to go through the process of being institutionalized . I know it was because she wanted to protect me , but I needed to go through it . That ’ s the problem sometimes : people try to brush things under the rug and go on with life . But you need to talk about it . You need to go through it .
A month ago , I tried to commit suicide for the second time . I overdosed on pain killers . My brother found me and called my parents . When they got there , I was already shaking from the pills . My parents called the ambulance and the police showed up and everyone was talking about my problems right in front of me . I think that ’ s what makes them my angels . If it wasn ’ t for their support through all this , I wouldn ’ t be here right now .
I spent 3 days in the ICU before being moved to a mental facility for 4 days . I got to meet a lot of angels at the hospital and the mental facility . I met this guy Peter , who became a great friend . We hung out all the time in there , like best buds . When we got out , I asked my mom if we could buy him dinner or some clothes or something because I thought he didn ’ t have any money . I guess that ’ s why you shouldn ’ t judge a book by its cover . Peter is super rich . He ’ s even offering to pay for some of my college . He has given me so many options . He ’ s an angel of mine because he is part of my support . It ’ s kind of weird because I ’ ve been hanging out with a 51-year-old guy , but he also suffers from anxiety and depression and we support each other . We can be hypocritical sometimes because we tell each other how amazing the other is , but we don ’ t feel that way about ourselves .
Now , I ’ m trying to be happy . I ’ m here , and I ’ m going to stop being afraid of what people say because they ’ re always going to talk . I want to be happy with myself and my surroundings . I want to reach the point where I can say , “ This is Karen . This is what I am . I love myself , and if you don ’ t like it , then go home . It ’ s not my fault .”