THE BATTLE
Ernest Sisay
40
My angel is my mother , Binty . I lost my father to lung cancer in 1998 . I was a lot younger then . It was my mother who was there for him , like a rock . It happened quickly . From the time we found out he had cancer , to the time he passed , it was four months . That made it a shock to the system . My mom was 62 years old when she finally lost her five year battle to ovarian cancer .
There was a time when she went into remission , and we thought she ’ d won . But then it came back . When she was going through chemo , I would sit there and watch her sleep for hours . I felt like I was dying inside seeing her suffer like that . It was hard to see someone who was so smiley and jokey , who was always making sure you ’ d eaten and felt welcome , lose all her weight and energy . There were times when I would have to physically pick her up and take her up the stairs . When you ’ re going through that , you ’ re in a surreal place . You think , “ She shouldn ’ t be hurting like this .”
When they ’ re going through that kind of fight , you see them lose a lot of confidence . They can ’ t do the things they used to be able to do anymore . You have to take care of them , but you can ’ t show them that you are having to take more and more control because it makes them lose more confidence . They may snap at you , but it ’ s not them . It ’ s just that they are losing their independence . You ’ ve got to be able to take everything from the chin as it comes .
Every single second counts . There was one moment when I left the room for literally a minute or two to use the toilet , and when I came back she was on the floor . My heart dropped . I checked her out and called the hospital and they told me to bring her in . They kept her there for seven days because her potassium was low . You can ’ t take any moment for granted .
But the first and foremost thing to know when you ’ re looking after someone who is ill is that you yourself need support . You ’ re going to have a lot of stress . There will be times when you lose yourself because you stay so close to them . There will be times when you need your own space as well . Take that time . There ’ s a lot of stress that builds , so an outlet like the gym can be great . Each day , you need an hour just to be with friends or go to the gym or just to take a breather . But at the end of the day , you have to be there for them . My mother brought me into this world , and I always kept in mind that she would give up everything for me . You ’ ve just got to battle through the hard times .