PERSONAL NARRATIVE
The Autism Journey - Finding
the Best Family Balance
By Tammy PERRY-FOWLER
Each of us has our own autism journey,
and we all go through different tests or
struggles that are unique to us. But cer-
tain things are common; we do learn
things from each other’s experiences.
We all have an autism journey destina-
tion.
S
ometimes the autism journey process can
be more complicated than we anticipated.
It can feel like we take two steps forward
but then five steps backward. In honesty,
it is hard not to fret about all the obstacles
we encounter as M’s parents. One particu-
lar obstacle has been finding employment
full-time outside the home. In truth, every autism
parent or guardian puts in countless hours of work
at home with his/her child. It is a demanding job that
we do whole-heartily because of our love and deter-
mination to help our children be successful in their
own abilities.
The decision not to work full time outside the home
was made for me due to budget cuts. I was no lon-
ger employed as an early childhood education men-
tor-coach. Sometimes the bumps we run into on our
journeys teach us a lot about perseverance in still
reaching our overall goals, which, in my case, was
making sure our family would be happy. I could not
change what happened, but I could adjust my out-
look. In these four months, I have spent a lot of time
with our M going to various doctors’ appointments
and therapy, going to the park, and gardening—that
would have been challenging if I was still employed
full time outside the home. For the first time in my
life, I was not working full time. In truth, the feeling
was awesome yet fearful at the same time. In reality,
every parent’s first job is being a parent 24/7. I do find
being M’s mom interesting, rewarding, and exhaust-
52 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 87
ing. I discovered the first two months being home full
time was great. M and I were together every single
day and night. I learned even more amazing things
about our M. For example, M really enjoyed helping
me plant a garden. He would laugh every time while
watering the plants. He started saying new words like
“plant” and “help.” Yes, all our time together this sum-
mer still had its typical ups and downs. Noteworthy, I
did not turn into a June Cleaver. I had a five-year-old
with autism to keep up with, so T-shirts/sweatpants/
jeans were the norm. Also, I found myself not stress-
ing so much about keeping our house perfectly neat.
If a load of laundry got folded that day, okay. Or if the
mopping got done after M went to bed, it was okay. I
found a certain freedom in my adjusted thinking. My
heart did ache when summer break was over and M
started kindergarten. I secretly wanted M to miss me
just as much as I missed him. Then the reality of life
hit, and I faced the crossroads of whether to go back
to work full-time or part-time outside the home. In
contemplating this decision, I had to consider M’s
medical issues and our financial situation. I cried and
prayed every night about what to do. I could not
give an outside full-time job my 100 percent best
and still be there for M’s needs 100 percent. It’s a
scary feeling not knowing how your family is going