PERSONAL NARRATIVE
and to take a picture if she chose. Two hours later he
would line up our Subaru behind other parent-chauf-
feurs and be teacher-directed back toward the gym
to pick her up. The time went by, and I watched the
clock, frequently texting my husband to ensure his
return was early enough for her to make a prompt
exit. I waited and texted and waited. She climbed
into the car, and after being questioned, informed
her dad she’d had a wonderful time and gave the
dance a rating of 10 out of 10.
I saw the lights as they pulled into the drive, and I
could not wait to hear from her. I choked back tears
as she came in and looked at me with a wave of her
hand. I asked her, “How was the dance?” “Great,” she
said. She repeated her 10 rating from earlier and re-
quested to have some technology time. I pumped
the brakes on the technology time because as a
mom, I needed the details. After six questions and
some wait time, I found out that she danced alone
and spoke to no one. It was the last statement she
made though, that shut me down. “Mom, stop mak-
ing me feel bad.” What did she say? “Mom, stop mak-
ing me feel bad,” echoed in my brain. The oxygen was
sucked from my lungs; I had made her feel bad! Flab-
bergasted, I apologized and of course excused her
for technology time. As she walked away, hot tears
welled up in my eyes. It’s not her peers that make her
self-conscious about socializing. It’s me. My expecta-
tions are weighing on her.
the dance. As I scrolled through the pictures, I saw
groups of kids smiling, holding props, and throwing
up peace signs. Then I saw it. A girl, donning a bright
blue boa and a thousand-watt smile. That was my
girl! She was beautiful, confident, social on her own
terms, and living up to her own expectations!
Rachel Landry Fahrney, MEd, is a special education
teacher at the elementary level. She lives and works
in northwest Georgia and loves beautiful Lookout
Mountain, where she calls home. Rachel and her
husband, Jamie, have two daughters, Zuri (11) and
Ellonie Scout (6 months). Rachel loves having Zuri
read her favorite anime stories to her and dancing
to music with her youngest daughter Ellonie Scout.
She also enjoys listening to podcasts and frequent-
ing the Dollar Spot at Target stores.
Facebook: facebook.com/rachel.l.fahrney
Instagram: instagram.com/rachelfahrney
As a mom, I want my child to have typical social ex-
periences. I want her to have meaningful friendships,
conflicts she will have to work through, and decisions
to make that will force her to use the moral compass
her father and I have helped to instill in her. But the
WHEN and HOW of these wants and desires are not
up to me. I’ve got to learn to let her be her own per-
son. Friendship may look different for me than it does
for her. There may be elements of friendship that she
does not require the way I do because she is differ-
ent than me, the same way we all differ from each
other. I can’t shackle her to my expectations because
it inhibits her from being who she is. And who she is,
is amazing!
The morning after the dance, I was drinking my cof-
fee and thought about pictures. Had she used any
of her money for pictures at the dance? Quickly I
searched out the middle school’s Facebook page
and saw the link to the photographer’s photos from
Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 87 |
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