AUTISM SAFETY
accuser. Kids or adults on the spectrum can miss oth-
er people’s subtle or nonverbal signals that they are
not interested in a friendly—or intimate—relation-
ship. Even when someone says, “No,” or, “Please stop,”
people on the spectrum might continue because
they don’t understand the “why” behind it. The re-
quest seems illogical, and people with ASD best un-
derstand and respond to logic. They certainly don’t
foresee the potentially serious outcomes.
This is especially true in the social/sexual realm. Kids
or adults with ASD don’t understand that it may be
a problem to stand overly close, stare, follow, show
up unexpectedly, or repeatedly text someone, and
that this behavior can be perceived as sexual harass-
ment. Research shows that people on the spectrum
continue to pursue relationships longer and more
persistently than those without ASD, even with no
response or negative feedback.
Responsibility and self-advocacy
to avoid mix-ups
Self-advocacy can play an important role in avoiding
misunderstanding. A study of 600 college students
with high-functioning ASD found that only 10 of
them had disclosed their diagnoses. Kids and adults
with ASD need to ask friends, roommates, or cowork-
ers for clear feedback, explaining that ASD is a com-
munication disorder. It’s important to say, “I don’t
always get cues or understand unless something is
said clearly,” and apologize when necessary.
Having autism spectrum disorder does not remove
responsibility for behavior. Those with ASD must
learn that “no” means stop; getting no answer to an
overture also means stop. Physical contact (includ-
ing a high-five, to be safe) needs explicit consent.
Even if a hug or standing together for a selfie is given
the okay, it’s critical to be aware of bodily privacy.
Why do people with ASD behave in ways
that put them at risk?
Sometimes, people on the spectrum want relation-
ships but lack the necessary social skills. They can
misinterpret someone who is kind or friendly as
wanting a close friendship or intimate relationship.
Their efforts to respond or initiate a friendship can
be perceived as stalking. A second reason for stalking
behavior is when people on the spectrum are ob-
sessed with a person, even with no romantic intent.
Another motivator for stalking behavior is seeking
revenge for rejection or jealousy. Repeated texting
or advances can be attempts to get an apology or
the original desired response. A child or adult with
ASD might not understand rules for touching, hug-
ging, or other violations of personal space.
Understanding the reasons can lead to
solutions
We have to understand the reason for stalking be-
havior before we intervene. Sometimes talking to
the person can clarify what’s happening, but in other
cases, it’s necessary to have a functional behavioral
assessment and/or talk to others present in the situ-
ation (peers, teachers, coworkers). When we under-
stand the intent of the behavior, we can come up
with solutions.
For someone seeking a relationship, it’s vital to learn
appropriate social skills for forming a friendship.
It’s important to identify appropriate people to ap-
proach and to learn conversation skills, taking per-
spective into account, and reading pragmatic cues.
It’s necessary to ask if the behavior is okay (“Can I walk
you to class / to your car?”) and that one must be in-
vited to show up at someone’s home or to join them
at a social function. For someone with an obsession
or motivated by hurt or jealousy, it’s important to
teach self-calming, self-control, strategies to handle
negative feelings, and how to redirect thoughts and
disengage from the relationship. Boundaries around
personal space and privacy need to be taught. What-
ever reasons motivate kids or adults with ASD, they
need to be helped to understand the perspective of
the other person experiencing their behavior.
What can parents do to help children
with autism?
1.
Ask schools to use curricula that address ways
to understand various types of social relation-
ships and appropriate behaviors.
Research has shown that individuals with ASD
learn social skills more effectively in groups
with neurotypical peers, along with coaching
and feedback outside the group in real-time
situations.
Examples: Think Social (Michelle Garcia Winner)
is widely used (it doesn’t include sexual harass-
ment, but that could be added); Circles (James
Stanfield) directly addresses understanding dif-
ferent kinds of social relationships and appro-
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