PERSONAL NARRATIVE
loved ones. And I appreciated the gesture. I still do.
But the truth is, in my house, autism is nothing like
going to Holland. Autism isn’t lovely. It isn’t tranquil.
It isn’t slow-paced.
In my house, autism is more like trekking through
the jungle without a map. It’s loud. It’s chaotic. It’s
unforgiving.
The jungle is filled with cries that I can’t understand.
It’s littered with obstacles that take all my strength to
overcome. There are dead ends around every corner,
forcing me to fall back and rethink my approach.
Don’t be fooled by the media, portraying the jungle
as intriguing and exotic. I can assure you that’s only
true on the outskirts. Deep in the trenches, the jun-
gle is often harsh, and it rarely sleeps.
The jungle can be a lonely place sometimes—it’s iso-
lating. Sure, there are times I could call my friends
in Italy, but I’m simply too exhausted from my daily
excursions.
Luckily, most of the locals are very friendly and eager
to help. You see, these locals have been on their own
journeys for quite a while now. They are much more
knowledgeable than I am.
But it seems they’ve split into different tribes. Each
tribe has its own idea of the best path. And they end
up sending me in opposite directions.
So I try to absorb all the knowledge I can from each
of them, and I continue—knowing I will wind up lost
and need their help again.
Please don’t get me wrong. There’s fun to be had in
the jungle. There are times of silliness and explora-
18 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 74
tion. It just takes a lot more planning than it would
in Italy or Holland. It takes more effort to ensure we
stay safe.
There are also moments of intense beauty—like
when the sun sets just after a storm. The entire sky
lights up with intense colors that I haven’t seen in a
long, long time.
And there are moments of surprise and celebra-
tion—like happening upon a hidden waterfall af-
ter a long, strenuous hike. Those are the moments I
hold on to. Those are the moments when the jungle
doesn’t seem so scary.
No, I didn’t ask for this journey. I would much rather
spend my time prancing around Italy. But I am a war-
rior. So I will continue to push through, even when I
feel weary. Because that’s what warriors do. And my
little one is worth it.
Meghan Ashburn lives in Virgin-
ia with her husband and their
four sons. She owns a blog called
Not An Autism Mom, where she
writes about parenting, autism,
and prematurity.
Website:
notanautismmom.com
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/notanautismmom/
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/notanautismmom