AUTISM SOLUTIONS
Top Strategies to Enhance
Your Child’s Capacity
for Self-Love
By Connie HAMMER, MSW, PCI Certified Parent Coach®
Self-love is something all human be-
ings struggle with regardless of age
or ability. But when children perceive
themselves as flawed—either from an
autism label they have been given, or a
negative comment from a bystander, or
an expectation they cannot realistical-
ly meet—the ability to love themselves
can be very difficult.
T
he book The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice
of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism is
written by Naoki Higashida about a 13-year-
old nonverbal boy with high-functioning
autism. When I read the book, I was struck
by this young author’s insight, maturity, and
wisdom beyond his years as he respond-
ed to the question, “Would you like to be ‘normal?’”
He stated, “For us, you see, having autism is normal—
so we can’t know for sure what your ‘normal’ is even
like. But so long as we can learn to love ourselves, I
am not sure how much it matters whether we’re nor-
mal or autistic.” How profound for such a young mind!
How does a child learn to love himself or herself?
Unfortunately, our current media-saturated society
bombards children with messages and images of un-
realistic perfection to which they constantly compare
themselves. This makes it difficult for children to get in
touch with and accept their true and precious selves.
On Valentine’s Day, the focus is all about showing our
love to others, which is great! Unfortunately, loving
others means giving from the inside, and if nothing
substantial or positive exists within, there’s nothing
to draw from and share with others.
Helping your child explore how he/she feels about
himself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spir-
itually will help him/her fulfill a sense of self and
supply him/her with something to send out to
others and have it returned in greater measure.
So where does one start? How do you teach a young
child to love himself or herself enough to have a pos-
itive sense of self, and yet not develop an inflated
ego that makes one feel so entitled it leads to indif-
ference?
I believe there is a connection between self-talk and
self-love. Regardless of your child’s challenges and
abilities, ALL children benefit from learning to listen
to the positive voices inside their heads, and if your
child doesn’t have many, you need to help him/her