SOCIAL SKILLS
I think a possible difference between groups run by parents vs . professionals is that parents have developed more tolerance . I ’ ve seen professionals get kind of freaked out by behavior that doesn ’ t really faze me .
Another moment was at one of our trainings when a young autism advocate who is working with us this year ( Joel Carver ) was trying to help our typical volunteers understand autism better . He asked for a neurotypical volunteer and handed her a chair . While she held it , he described how it feels to have a passion that you really , really want to talk about and can ’ t . And that pressure to talk about it stays with you all day — all through class , after school , and throughout most social situations . You hold that chair the whole time , and it gets heavier and heavier . The only time you get to put it down is when you can finally talk about what you love .
After what we had learned about how the neurotypical brain gets pleasure from socializing in a way that many autistic brains don ’ t , someone in the group said that hey , maybe for neurotypicals , socializing is that chair ! We all agreed we need to figure out what our “ chair ” is .
DM : I have two last questions . One is what you would tell other parents who have teens resistant to getting together with other kids . The other is what has been the most powerful to you personally in doing these meetings .
CR : To your first question , I , too , struggle knowing how much and when to push . I think the best approach is to help them feel safe to reach outside their comfort zones , little by little . One mom said to me she was afraid her son would leave after five minutes or start to scream . I told her that was fine if he did , and in fact , Walter had done that , and that this was a group where we all knew why that might happen .
I think a possible difference between groups run by parents vs . professionals is that parents have developed more tolerance . I ’ ve seen professionals get kind of freaked out by behavior that doesn ’ t really faze me . I sometimes think , “ What exactly were you expecting ? This is the problem we are here to push through .”
To answer your second question , I ’ ve learned that both groups of kids love discussing their lives with other kids and widening their perspectives . It ’ s been powerful to see all the kids — both neurotypical and autistic — understand themselves and each other better . I want to foster talk about autism as a difference — and a really interesting one — not just a disability . We ’ ve done that in our meetings .
I really do think that most people who encounter an autistic person want to understand and help . And I think teaching neurotypicals about autism is the best possible way to help people with autism .
It ’ s a work in progress , and the kids and families are willing to go along for the ride , so I ’ ll keep experimenting and learning !
Debra Moore , PhD , is a psychologist who , prior to retirement from active practice , worked extensively with children , teens , and adults on the autism spectrum . She coauthored The Loving Push : How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults ( 2016 ) with Dr . Temple Grandin . She contributed two chapters ( one coauthored with Dr . Temple Grandin ) to The Nine Degrees of Autism ( 2015 ) and wrote the chapter Internet and Gaming Addiction in Youth on the Autism Spectrum : A Particularly Vulnerable Population in Internet Addiction in Children and Adolescents : Risk Factors , Assessment , and Treatment ( 2017 ). She also facilitates the groups “ Autism Spectrum Across the Lifespan ,” and “ Autism Spectrum HELPING HANDS Mentors ” on LinkedIn . com .
54 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 72