SOCIAL SKILLS
DM: I think jointly solving a real-life issue in real time
is what bonds people. Did the kids start to develop
relationships with each other?
CR: Well we followed the PEERS rule preventing con-
tact outside the group, but the group developed real
comfort with each other. We offered a few optional
social activities with no agenda other than to have
fun. We had a trivia night and a picnic in a local park.
Almost everyone came, and it was clear the kids had
come to like and trust each other.
By our fifth month, the kids were all very comfortable
with each other. Some were set to graduate from high
school, but all of them still in school wanted to come
back after the summer and do the group again. So I had
to come up with a new curriculum for “Club Peers 2!”
DM: That says a lot. What did you come up with for
the second year?
CR: I realized one critical goal I hadn’t met: helping
the kids learn to coach each other based on knowl-
edge I shared with them.
I had hesitated to ask NT kids to actually advise the
autistic kids because I’d set up the group as one
where everyone was on the same level. The idea was
that we all struggle with social skills. That’s true on
one level, but not entirely honest.
That summer my daughter and I attended a semi-
nar on neurodiversity. We resolved to improve Club
Peers using what we learned, and that meant not
glossing over differences, but actually talking about
them explicitly.
The second year we held two trainings before the
club restarted. One was for the neurotypical teens
to help them understand the neurology of autism. I
wanted them to have insight into the source of the
behaviors and social blindness they would see.
Then we held another training for the teens with au-
tism. I wanted them to understand the “typical” brain.
I wanted them to know the neurological reasons that
other teens find socializing so easy and fun. In each
training, I explained how brains are wired different-
ly and how each kind has unique strengths. I taught
them about how certain parts of the brain impact
things like eye contact. This resonated with them
and proved very popular.
I also really wanted to them see the bigger picture—
that because these “typical” teens are in the majori-
ty, our culture has said “neurodivergent” kids should
learn “typical” behavior. But that is an enormous task,
and we are putting the burden all on them. Imagine
how much easier, and less anxious, the lives of the
autistic would be if their communities understood
them?
DM: That is what I really love about your approach. I
sense you treated all the kids with respect and trust-
ed that they would be able to understand and ap-
preciate information that, in my opinion, therapists
often do not explicitly share with their clients.
CR: Well, the kids have certainly responded with
enthusiasm, and they keep coming back, wanting
more. And parents are noticing more confidence
and the willingness to try some new things.
DM: I wonder if you could give a couple of specific ex-
amples of group experiences that stand out for you.
CR: Well, last year as the group got more comfort-
able together, we laughed a lot, which made practic-
ing social skills more fun. We got to the point where
everyone was okay trying awkward things (like join-
ing group conversations, or telling jokes) and getting
feedback from the whole group, which was exactly
what I’d hoped for. I’ll never forget the expression on
one girl’s face when she was trying to pretend she
found my joke funny.
The kids have certainly responded with enthusiasm, and they
keep coming back, wanting more. And parents are noticing
more confidence and the willingness to try some new things.
Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 72 |
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