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Autism parenting doesn ' t have to be confusing .
Friendships From the Perspective of an Autism Mom
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ISSN 2633-1004

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Friendships From the Perspective of an Autism Mom
By Kendra PITTMAN SMITH , BSc

Friendships are defined differently in every stage of life . Toddlers and preschool-age friends have less requirements and less expectations than teenagers and adults . The older you become , the more complex relationships become . Relationships hold more value as your maturity level increases and they become more relevant .

Ways to Strengthen the
Family Bond When a Sibling
Has 58 Autism | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 123
SOCIAL SKILLS
FRIENDSHIPS CAN FORM AT ALL STAGES OF LIFE , BUT THE PROCESS OF MAKING FRIENDS CAN BE ESPECIALLY CHALLENGING FOR CHILDREN WITH AUTISM .
Types of friendships
Preschool and elementary school friendships
Preschool and elementary school kids tend to classify everyone as their friends . This is a developmental age group , where kids are learning what it means to respect one another , be kind to each other , forgive one another , and share with one another . This group invites everyone in their class to their birthday party , unless their parents teach them differently .
When parents choose to single out classmates and make discernments , their children develop this characteristic and it becomes a part of their character . Young children rely on the direction from their parents to define relationships .
Unfortunately , some parents fail to understand how their children model their behavior , and this is a very crucial part of their development as it relates to forming friendships . They learn to judge and criticize based on learned behavior from their parents — they are conditioned to isolate others that are different from their group . Most parents are not aware of the discrimination unless their child is the one being ostracized .
Teenage friendships
In my opinion , true friendships are not developed until ages 12-18 . In this stage of life , we have developed our values and personal characteristics and begin associating ourselves with friends who share common interests . Teenagers start to classify “ best friends ” from just “ friends ”. This is the age where secrets are shared and your child may embark on a relationship of trust with another .
Teenagers who fall into this group have “ hangouts ”, and no longer have playdates arranged by their parents . This is a difficult time for children on the autism spectrum or those with exceptionalities and mobilities that make them different . These children often feel different and are treated differently . This can cause feelings of loneliness and depression , especially when they are excluded from group conversations and social gatherings .
Young children rely on the direction from their parents to define relationships .
SOCIAL SKILLS
At this age , young people feel it is important to be “ popular ”. Teenagers with social anxiety develop friendships a little differently — they are protective of friends and feel attached , while “ typical ” teenagers may have multiple friends and travel in groups .
In my experience with my daughters , teenagers with autism spectrum disorder ( ASD ) are often people pleasers and may become fixated on specific peers they feel safe with and who are like-minded . One of my daughters expressed that she feels “ invisible ”. I realize that this can be a very painful time .
Making and keeping friends is tough
Making and keeping friends is very tough , if not the most difficult challenge of the school year for a child on the spectrum . Children with ASD or other exceptionalities have social anxiety when developing long lasting friendships due to :
1 . Fear of social acceptance 2 . Fear of being replaced by a new friend
3 . Fear of responding inappropriately 4 . Fear of feeling invisible 5 . Fear of being judged
Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 123 | 59

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