AUTISM SOLUTIONS
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Reinforce siblings ’ strong characters and good behaviors
For our special needs children , we set up behavior charts , carry treats in our purses , and reinforce regularly . Unfortunately , often the only attention the siblings get is when they do something wrong . Become aware of the positive things the siblings do . Begin to point these out often by praising them and giving them extra privileges . Watch their confidence rise and attitudes soar .
Create “ special time ” at least once a week with the siblings
It doesn ’ t have to be a big event or fancy occasion . Maybe it ’ s playing a game when your special needs child is in bed , going out for ice cream during therapy , or letting him / her pick the movie one afternoon . These small gestures remind the child he / she is just as loved and important as the special needs child .
Establish open communication with the siblings about your child with autism
Even if the siblings don ’ t verbalize it , they feel the extra stress that comes along with having children with autism in the homes . As the siblings get older , their special needs sister or brother can do embarrassing things , and life can be pretty unfair when the children with autism always dictate the family ’ s schedule . Allowing the sibling to come to you and share how he / she feels without judgment will open the opportunity to provide encouragement to overcome this adversity . “ Special needs siblings learn to deal with criticism and intolerance early in their lives ,” stated MariAnn Gattelaro , MS , CRC , LPC . Both of these will serve them well in the real world .
Encourage the siblings to form friendships with other siblings of special needs kids
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“ Just like adults , kids benefit from a support network of friends who understand and share the same experiences ,” said Sibshop Facilitator Rose Henke . We , as parents , seek out other parents of kids with autism because we need to feel less alone . Somehow we are more able to cope when we know there are others experiencing the same difficulties . The siblings will feel less isolated when they connect with someone their age who understands what they are going through .
Give the siblings grace , too
It is easy to give the child with autism the benefit of the doubt because any action can be blamed on the disability . “ Special needs siblings often feel like they need to overcompensate . They feel they are not allowed to make mistakes or cause problems because their parents have bigger issues to deal with ,” said Ms . Gattelaro . Let the siblings know that they are allowed to be human , and your love is unconditional .
Allow the siblings to be part of the “ team ”
I remember a time when my son was begging for his own therapist because he felt so left out . Giving siblings simple tasks to help your special needs child allows them to become part of the “ team .” Sometimes love must be fostered before it becomes a choice . With encouragement , my son became our best therapist , doing silly play and engaging his sister in ways no one else could . Today they have a beautiful relationship that is beneficial to them both . It touches my heart to see my daughter ’ s love for her brother and to know he will always choose to take care of her .
Julie Hornok is a writer , wife , mom , and a passionate advocate for families living with autism . Her works can be seen in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series , Parenting Special Needs Magazine , Thrive Magazine , Autism Spot , Literary Mama ( Oct . 2017 ), and many more publications . She also received Honorable Mention in the Memoirs / Personal Essay category of the 86th Annual Writer ’ s Digest Writing Competition ( 2017 ). When she is not busy driving her three kids all over town , she loves to give back to the community by planning special needs events .
Website : www . juliehornok . com
56 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 71