Autism Parenting Magazine Issue 71 (Member's Dashboard) | Page 44

PARENTAL ADVICE drove out to tour the facility to see what I thought. It was love at first sight. It was small, enclosed, beautiful, and the workers and children seemed to be having the times of their lives: again, much needed affirma- tion that this was the right thing to do. It took a while to fill out the applications, find financial assistance, and get the courage to sign my daughter up. When the time came, I wasn’t sure that I could fol- low through. I sobbed the entire drive there and back, not to mention crying on Michelle’s shoulder when I got there, and another’s friend’s shoulder on the way home (thanks again, Jen). I wondered if such a place even existed. It needed to have nursing care, one-on-one direct care, and a deep understanding of what it is like to work with a child who is severely cognitively impaired, nonverbal, phys- ically impaired, with a seizure disorder, Down syn- drome, and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). That’s a lot to put on someone you don’t know, and it’s very scary. Like, cry-yourself-to-sleep terrifying, which I did multiple times. My friend, Michelle, immediately found a place called Saint Francis Camp on the Lake. It was only an hour and a half from our home, was very affordable, and even offered scholarships. Most importantly, it seemed to offer all of the things I was looking for. I started to re- search this place with great trepidation. This was my child’s life and safety I was dealing with. That’s not something that any mother would take lightly. I called and talked to the director of the camp, another Michelle (that must be a magical name), and she was amazingly helpful and reassuring. That made me feel like this might the right choice for our family. I then The first time I dropped her off was a little rough. Not really on Lexi, but on me. I cried every day and emailed the camp director about four times a day to check in. Thank goodness she had the patience of a saint. The second time was easier and the third time was excellent. Now we drop Lexi off, and she barely hugs us goodbye before latching onto her counsel- or and heading to her dorm. Enter more tears from Mama. They dried pretty quickly that time, however, and were, for the most part, tears of joy. I know that sending your child away to be taken care of by someone else is one of the scariest things a par- ent will ever experience. I’m talking can’t-catch-your- breath, paralyzing, nightmare-giving, crying-to-your- mom-on-the-phone, panic-attack-causing fear. We’ve all been there, but when your child is on the autism spectrum and is nonverbal, those fears are magnified by about a billion. I will tell you this, though; I have zero regrets about the choice I made that day. I am a much more sane and balanced person now that I have permitted myself to take a break. I’m a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, employee, and friend because I take time for me once in awhile. I can give more of myself to charities and other families who are dealing with these situations, which is the cry of my heart. My friend, Michelle, immediately found a place called Saint Francis Camp on the Lake. It was only an hour and a half from our home, was very affordable, and even offered scholarships. Most importantly, it seemed to offer all of the things I was looking for. 44 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 71