AUTISM HEALTH
Children know when parents are tense and over-
whelmed.”[6] In fact, according to Dr. Amy Saltzman,
a holistic physician and mindfulness coach (and cre-
ator of the Still Quiet Place CD’s for Young Children and
Teens), “Data shows the greatest source of childhood
and adolescent stress is not school, extracurricular
activities, or peer pressure, but parental stress.”[7]
Americans report having more stress as of January
2017 than at any time in recent history.[8] Admitted-
ly, parenting is stressful; however parents of children
with autism report higher levels of stress as com-
pared to parents of children with chronic illness and
children with developmental disabilities combined.
[9] This means that parents of autistic children could
be at a greater risk for anxiety disorders, depression,
and even martial stress.[10]
Parents often feel a sense of inadequacy in striving
to be “perfect” parents to their autistic children.[10]
However, mindful parenting recognizes the reality
and wisdom of the “good enough” parent.[11] Re-
gardless of our best intentions, we will have times of
imperfection and failure. How parents handle these
times is an important aspect of mindful parenting.
Parents can learn that their child’s actions aren’t a
reflection of their parenting skills. Children need to
see their parents fail at times, or they will not have a
realistic view of what it is to be human.[12]
Mindfulness is the not to get carried away with the
ruminations of your mind.[13] We create much of our
own frustration, unhappiness and tension by all the
thoughts (negative and positive) swirling around in
our minds. Mindfulness allows you to step back and
look at reality versus thoughts. In turn, it allows you
to have a little distance and perspective. You are not
ruled by your thoughts, but you have control over
your actions and reactions to those thoughts.[14]
This sense of control is powerful because it can allow
you to reduce your stress levels. You can accept what is
happening with your child without allowing it to dic-
tate your or your child’s life. The practice of mindfulness
can allow you to see your child’s situation as it is. It can
help you to be a better self and a better parent.[15]
Practicing mindfulness, when your child is pushing
you to the edge, causes positive changes in the brain
and, in turn, in the body.[16] When things get hectic,
and your amygdala (the stress center of the brain) is
active, your prefrontal cortex becomes blocked, caus-
ing problems with logical thought and reasoning.
Thus, good parenting becomes nearly impossible.
[17] Oxygen is the amygdala’s signal to calm down.
[18] When you take a couple of deep breaths, sen-
sations of the breath move throughout your body,
thus calming the body and the mind. When you are
calm, you can think and act with more clarity. [19]
Deep breathing will begin to naturally bring balance
to the systems of the body.[20] This balance allows
you to be more mindful of the situation which, in
turn, allows you to act in a more deliberate way.[21]
Whenever you need an attitude adjustment, take a
few minutes and count the seconds as you breathe.
Breathing intentionally will send oxygen to your
amygdala, and focusing on counting will distract
your mind from its woes and allow more focus.[22]
Mindful parenting helps to decrease the child’s ag-
gression and noncompliance while it helps to in-
crease the parent’s’ satisfaction with their parenting
skills and interactions with their children.[23] There
is no perfect, sure-fire way to parent mindfully. But,
there are many ways to practice mindfulness.
When you are practicing mindfulness, every time your
thoughts wander, you bring them back to be present
in the moment. Most things that embarrass you come
from mindlessness, such as checking your cell phone
when your child is trying to tell you about his day.
Mindfulness enables you to see what is happening in
your thoughts and not being ruled by them.[24]
Being mindful means slowing down, stepping back
and observing your own reactions.[25] Slowing life
down in general is a common theme that is especial-
ly important for parents of autistic children. It makes
you stop and think about how you are doing things
as a parent. Are you setting things up for success or
failure? Are you rushing, trying to pack too much into
the morning routine, requiring everything to be per-
fect? That will only make things worse. It’s alright if
your son has toothpaste on his shirt and your daugh-
ter has on different colored socks. In striving to be
good parents, we often forget what children really
need and want. Sometimes, the smallest adjustment
in a schedule can change a whole family’s day-to-day
life. It’s as simple as practicing paying full attention
to our kids, with openness, compassion and uncon-
ditional love. These mindful mornings may be less
efficient, even less perfect, but they’re certainly less
stressful for you and your child.
Mindfulness gives a parent the space to breathe and
be calm. For example, when your child is having a
Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 71 |
41