Driving hazards
Anyone who has driven through the Herefordshire village of Aston Ingham recently may have noticed Betty Goslow who has a full time job reminding motorists to stick to the speed limit . Betty changes clothes regularly . One day she ’ s in tweeds , the next she ’ s in sportswear and she sometimes appears to have strayed from a cocktail party . But she ’ s there in all weathers at the side of the B4421 , and even has a Facebook page where she records what she ’ s been wearing . Betty is a mannequin on leave from a Dorothy Perkins shop window because someone in the villages reckons she will make drivers slow down to see what she ’ s wearing , and will then keep on slowing down . Villages have asked for a speed monitor to stop cars speeding through dangerously . And also to let hard-working Betty have a holiday .
A quarter of the parking meters in the Canadian city of St John ’ s in Newfoundland and Labrador have been stolen . The city installed the new smart meters three years ago , but officials now admit that around 290 of them have been “ beheaded ” by vandals who have ripped them off top get at the cash inside . But with an increasing number of payments by credit cards , the average meter now only holds about $ 10 in cash . When the meters were first installed , they had to be adapted after a string of complaints . The poles on which they were perched were so tall that most people were unable see the upwardfacing display and many drivers found they had to jump up and down to read them .
Only in the US
A cold-brewed , canned coffee company has recalled its products because they could possibly contain the toxin botulin . The brew , marketed under the name of Death Wish Coffee , has 4.5 times more caffeine than regular coffee and is advertised with a skull and crossbones .
Bryant Johnson of Casper , Wyoming , was interviewed by police after warning citizens of an alien invasion coming next year . He claimed that he had travelled back in time from 2048 , explaining that the aliens filled his body with alcohol and had him stand on a giant pad that transported him back to 2017 . He also asked to speak with the “ president of the town ,” but instead was arrested for public intoxication .
Minnesota State Police who arrested a motorcycle rider in August because he was weaving in and out of traffic on Interstate 394 and performing stunts . Oh yes , and he was wearing a panda suit , complete with an oversize animal head .
The rider told police that the panda suit was meant to help his motorcycle videos “ go viral ,” but police responded with a citation for reckless driving , and they confiscated the panda head . ( We know this story is true because we ’ ve seen it in black and white ...)
Spare a thought for ...
... John Hoopingarner from Ohio who thought he had signed up to participate in a cycle race in Birmingham , Alhabama , only to find he was expected in Birmingham , England . After discovering his error , he decided to take part anyway and flew across the Atlantic for the event in September .
... Keith Boleat from Jersey who was on his way to Amsterdam to take part in a boules tournament when he fell victim to an over-zealous airport security officer . His luggage was impounded at Jersey ’ s airport when his three personalised metal boules were confiscated because they were mistaken for bombs . The tale reminded us of a friend who was stopped at security because the Fray Bentos pies in his luggage were mistaken for land mines .
... Markus Zahn of Vogelsberg , Germany who found the rear bumper of his € 310,000 McLaren 650S Spider had been severely damaged . His insurance company would not pay out the full amount for repairs , so he took the culprit to court for the balance of € 5,800 and won the case . Well , to be accurate he took the culprit ’ s owner to court , the guilty party being Vitus the donkey . Police said Vitus may have mistaken the orange McLaren parked next to his enclosure as a giant carrot .
... a family in Coventry who were “ mortified ” after calling the RSPCA in September to rescue a lizard spotted underneath a bed in their home . But when an officer arrived at the home , she discovered the lizard was not a lizard but a pink stripy sock . The RSPCA said , “ The sock had obviously been there quite a while . It was a typical teenager ’ s bedroom , I suppose .”
... Russian TV viewers who had to watch a local football match without any commentary last month . The commentator , Vladimir Nikolsky became so incensed about the refereeing that he launched into a two-minute rant , calling the ref a “ disgrace to Russian football .” He concluded , “ Watch the football without a commentator ,” before getting up and walking out .
R . I . P . Jeremy
Jottings
In November last year , this column reported the problems suffered by
Jeremy , a snail at the University of Nottingham who unusually had an anticlockwise shell and needed to find a female snail suffering the same affliction . Apparently , “ righty ” and “ lefty ” snails cannot get it on because their genitals are in the wrong place .
A suitable female called Tomeu was found , and the happy couple produced offspring , all “ righties ,” who hatched at the beginning of last month . Sadly , the emotion was all too much for Jeremy who passed away on October 11 . The University said they were not sure of Jeremy ’ s age , but thought he was , “ at least two .”
Quotes
North Yorkshire police have released the content a some bizarre phone calls they have received in an attempt to reduce the number of time-wasting calls following an “ unprecedented rise .” They include the following :
“ My neighbour is a reincarnated Buddhist .”
“ My friend has been taken to hospital . Can you pick her stuff up from her house ?”
“ My son was only sentenced to 18 months in prison but he ’ s been there for nine years .”
“ A sparrow has just flown into my kitchen and killed itself .”
“ I ’ ve set off to go on holiday and I ’ ve forgotten to put my bins out . Can the police pop round and do it for me ?”
“ What time do the shops close ?”
“ Is 16.00 hours the same as four o ’ clock ?”
“ My son is at my sister ’ s but I don ’ t talk to her . Will you pick my son up for me ?”
“ I ’ ve just seen a Tesco delivery van near my home . People who live in this village don ’ t shop at Tesco .”
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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