Jottings warden who was waiting at the icecream van about why they had ticketed one person while ignoring other parking indiscretions including their own . Skilfully avoiding answering the question , they told him that they were entitled to get ice-cream for their break and that it was a hot day .
Only in the US
The Facebook page of the local police in the Georgia town of Marietta chided a shoplifter still at large who had left his ID and fingerprints , as well as posing inadvertently for security cameras . Noting “ how easy ” the man had made their job , the police “ begged ” him to give them some sort of challenge : “ Please at least try to hide .” The suspect was soon in custody .
A US company called Blacksocks has introduced Calf Socks Classic with Plus , a pair of socks with an Internet connection . The smartphone app can help you colour-match your socks and tell you , among other things , whether it ’ s time to wash them . Ten pairs for just $ 189 .
You couldn ’ t make it up
The U . S . Court of Appeals finally pulled the plug on social workers in Orange County , California who had been arguing in court for 16 years that they were not guilty of lying under oath because they did not understand that lying under oath in court is wrong . The social workers had been sued for improperly removing children from homes and defended their actions by inventing “ witnesses ” to submit made-up testimony . Their lawyers claimed that social workers ’ “ due process ” rights were violated in the lawsuit because in no previous case on record did a judge ever have occasion to explicitly explain to them that creating fictional witness statements is not permitted .
The EU reached an historic agreement to ban private citizens ’ from possessing semi-automatic weapons in an effort to reduce terrorism . However , one of the 28 nations , Finland , expressed concerns about training its reservists , so the wise men of the EU agreed to exempt the Kalishikov AK-47 assault weapon , which happens to be the terrorists ’ firearm of choice .
Curiosity got the better of Adriana Salas , 26 , who allegedly stole a truck in Jonesboro , Arkansas , and drove it to Fort Smith , 260 miles away , but then could not resist stopping by the local sheriff ’ s office to ask whether the truck had been reported stolen .
The New South Wales parliament in
Australia , asked to consider a public petition to cut down on waste , ordered that the petition ’ s 107,000 signatures , which were submitted on a USB stick , would , according to the rules , have to be submitted instead in hard copy . This ran to 4,000 pages of paper when it was printed out . Immediately after submission to the parliament , the pages were immediately sent to be electronically scanned into a format for data storage .
They walk amongst us
A court in Lincolnshire jailed two men who broke into a bungalow in Cleethorpes and threatened the owner into handing over his car keys . However , they were back within minutes to ask him how to start the vehicle because they didn ’ t know how to . Finally on the road , they stalled the car and crashed it into a telegraph pole .
A crack cocaine dealer who ran from police in Hull was caught out because he had his name written on the back of his rugby shirt , while a suspected car thief in Birmingham confirmed his guilt when police found a photo of him at the wheel of the stolen car on his mobile phone . Aron Thompson was described by police as a serial thief who , in 2013 , became one of the first in the UK to be fitted with a GPS tag . Over the next three weeks , the tag placed him at the scene of seven different burglaries .
Tyrel Lewis-Hill was jailed for five and a half years by a Wolverhampton court for an armed raid on a betting shop where CCTV had caught images of him wearing a distinctive hat . Police released a picture asking the public for help to identify him whereupon the 26-year-old went to the police voluntarily , claiming that friends and family had seen the picture , and said he wanted to clear his name . He was arrested .
Don ’ t laugh but ...
A life-size cardboard cut-out of UK prime minister Teresa May is available on Amazon for £ 37.70 . One customer review of the product reads , “ Not very strong or stable .”
And finally , our favourite Jottings of 2017
Sainsbury ’ s threatened Jel Singh Nagra of North Tyneside with legal action because his corner shop had been named Singhbury ’ s . To avoid trouble , has has now renamed the shop Morrisinghs . A spokesman for Morrisons said the supermarket “ did not mind ,” adding “ Mr Nagra and his customers obviously have good taste so we wish him well .”
The good folk of Doncaster have chosen names for two new road gritting machines bought by the Council in a poll of more than 40,000 people on Twitter . The city now has gritter lorries named David Plowie and Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney .
Michael Garland Elliott of Oregon , who died last year at the age of 75 , was no fan of US president Donald Trump . As he lay dying , he had one final phone call with his former wife , Teresa , with whom he had maintained a close friendship . The local newspaper recorded her final words to him , adding that he then took his final breath and passed away , a happy man . She told him , “ Donald Trump has been impeached .”
Quotes
“ Youth is when you ’ re allowed to stay up late on New Year ’ s Eve . Middle age is when you ’ re forced to .” ( Bill Vaughn , American columnist and author )
“ New Year ’ s Day … now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions . Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual .” ( Mark Twain )
“ Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account .” ( Oscar Wilde )
“ An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in . A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves .” ( Bill Vaughn )
“ He who breaks a resolution is a weakling ; he who makes one is a fool .” ( F . M . Knowles . American artist )
“ Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right .” ( Oprah Winfrey )
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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