Jottings wantonness , arguing that the store had not kept its premises reasonably safe . Walmart is to appeal .
... Japan where the Metropolitan Intercity Railway apologised after the Tsukuba Express left Minami Nagareyama Station early . Its journey to Tsukuba was scheduled to start at 9.44.40am local time , but on November 14 it left 20 seconds early , at 9.44.20am . In a statement on the company ’ s website , the management wanted to , “ deeply apologise for the severe inconvenience ” to any customers affected by the error . However , it appears no passenger was actually inconvenienced because nobody complained about the failure .
... Kansas where police had to terminate an interview with a 24-year-old suspect after he broke wind in response to every question . The man , “ continued to be flatulent and I ended the interview ,” the detective wrote ( after he had recovered .)
... the UK where the Holy Ghost Catholic Primary School in Wandsworth , south London , has had to change its entry forms after a complaint that they discriminated against separated , step or gay parents . Spaces for names of a child ’ s guardian have been changed from “ mother ” and “ father ” to “ Parent 1 ” and “ Parent 2 .” The Campaign For Real Education warned of , “ capitulating to politically-correct fascism .”
Retail Roundup
Lidl has recalled a brand of nuts from its shelves because the packet does not contain a warning about ... er , nuts . Packets of Clancy ’ s Barbecue Flavour Coated Peanuts contain cashew nuts but no warning to customers is printed on the label . The Foods Standards Agency say this means the product is a “ possible health risk ” for anyone with an allergy to nuts .
Asda demanded age verification for anyone buying kiwi fruit at its Hulme Superstore in Manchester early last month . Anyone under 25 was refused permission to purchase the fruit . Apparently , fans of singer Harry Styles have taken to throwing the berries at him during live performances when he sings the song “ Kiwi .” When he was scheduled to appear at the city ’ s O2 Apollo , Asda said they decided to protect their fellow Mancunian from “ any ‘ bad kiwis ’ amongst us .”
The UK has a new £ 1 coin , and the old version is no longer legal tender . We said there would be trouble , and there has been , with payphones , ticket machines and arcade games in some towns still refusing to take the new coin long after the old one was removed from circulation in mid-October .
But spare a particular thought for an 11- year-old Staffordshire schoolgirl who was left at a bus stop on her way to school one morning in October when the bus driver refused to accept an old £ 1 coin for her fare and drove off . Apart from the stupidity of abandoning a vulnerable schoolgirl at the side of the road , this incident happened several days before the old coins became obsolete . The girl ’ s mother complained to the bus operator who have apologised and blamed the failure on a “ misunderstanding ” on the part of the driver who has been “ spoken to .” Perhaps the company ’ s managers “ misunderstood ” the need to train staff in preparation for the arrival of the new coin .
Slightly bizarre
Thinking of asking for Amazon ’ s Alexa voice-activated device for Christmas ? Oliver Haberstroh of Pinneberg , Germany , may have a second-hand one for sale after his got him into trouble with the police . Neighbours complained about loud party music from his apartment at 3.00am one Saturday last month , but when police broke in , the flat was empty . Alexa had apparently decided to have her own full-volume party without any instruction from Oliver who was out in a bar with friends . Amazon investigated , decided Alexa had been activated by his third-party mobile music streaming app , and decently agreed to pay for the new locks which the police had to install .
Anthony Hutchinson from Bournemouth was ordered to do 120 hours of unpaid work as part of a sentence for dangerous driving and driving while disqualified in June . However , he has since been caught on camera twice behaving bizarrely while undertaking his “ community payback scheme .” First , Anthony was spotted dressed as a priest in a church where he was supposed to be working , and then , an image of him appeared cutting grass naked , with his pants around his ankles . Probation workers ’ union NAPO has slammed Working Links , the company in charge of the scheme in the south west , for its level of “ non supervision .” Anthony ’ s supervisor has been removed from his job .
And finally
The good folk of Doncaster have come up trumps after being asked to vote on names for two new road gritting machines bought by the Council . Last month , residents were invited to suggest names and then more than 40,000 people voted in the Twitter poll to choose the winners . Names knocked out in earlier rounds of the Doncaster Gritting World Cup included Grit Van Dyke , True Grit , Rule Grittania and Salt Disney . But at the end of a nail biting count , the first gritter was named David Plowie with 58 per cent of the vote , beating Basil Salty into the runner-up place . And in the second vote , Spready Mercury was beaten in a close race , meaning there is now a gritter on Doncaster ’ s roads which rejoices in the name Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney .
Festive Quotes
“ The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live .” ( George Carlin )
“ The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington , D . C . This wasn ’ t for any religious reasons . They couldn ’ t find three wise men and a virgin .” ( Jay Leno )
“ Santa Claus has the right idea . Visit people only once a year .” ( Victor Borge )
“ The one thing women don ’ t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband .” ( Joan Rivers )
I stopped believing in Father Christmas when I was six . Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph .” ( Shirley Temple )
“ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas .” ( Johnny Carson )
“ Aren ’ t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas ? You know , the birth of Santa .” ( Matt Groening )
“ Once again , we come to the Holiday Season , a deeply religious time that each of us observes , in his own way , by going to the mall of his choice .” ( Dave Barry )
“ Three phrases that sum up Christmas are : Peace on Earth , Goodwill to Men , and Batteries not Included .” ( Anon .)
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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