August 2017 August 2017 - Page 27

Jottings cancelled its sports day altogether after a deer decided to make its new home on the games field. No amount of coaxing by staff and RSPCA officer could persuade the squatter to leave. Don’t mess with Abigail Managers of a housing estate in Kent have felt the sharp edge of a nine-year- old’s tongue after they banned kids from climbing trees. Abigail Early and her friends were told the trees on the Crofton Place Estate, “are being destroyed” because children play on them, in addition which they may fall and hurt themselves. Abigail sat down and wrote a letter to the managers. “'My name is Abigail and I am nine years old. I play out with my friends nearly every day. You said children were not allowed to climb trees anymore. I would like to point out a few facts. “1. I play really nicely and use the trees as a camp. I don’t tear off branches or leaves. 2. Sometimes I play hide and seek in the trees. 3. My mum said it’s right not to play ball games as we may smash a window so I never play ball games. “However, I am part of a lovely and respectful bunch of kids and who love climbing trees because we love our friends and exercise.” But Abigail hadn’t finished. Her letter continued, “'I would like to continue playing in the trees. Therefore please could you supply the following information, no excuses or buts. “1. Total number of residents who have complained about us. 2. Estimated cost of tree damage. 3. Report from tree expert who says that kids climbing trees cause damage. 4. Details of new designated play area near my house to play camps and hide and seek already funded by our parents who pay for the trees and grass.” She concluded, “Children have rights too and I look forward to your reply,” but, to the best of our knowledge, Abigail is still waiting for one. Elfin Safety Cheshire East Council has ordered a 76- year-old resident to remove a garden ornament from a patch of land at a road junction. Laurence Perry of Wistaston placed the figurine beside a planter of flowers and says most people had been “appreciative.” The Council, however, saw it differently, claiming it could distract motorists and was a “safety issue,” giving Mr Perry seven days to remove the object. He says it has now found a home in his own garden. We can’t really see what all the fuss was about. After all, it was only six-inch-high garden gnome, bending over and baring his bottom which lights up at night. Typically British The Independent Republic of Middlewitch, president Mrs Judith Riches, has been declared in the Forest of Dean. It consists of one house, the property of Dr and Mrs Riches in Newham on Severn, where the kitchen has been declared the official seat of government. Dr Riches said the decision to declare independence was taken because of his opposition to the UK leaving the EU. He claims 59% of people in the Forest Dean voted against Brexit and they are being totally ignored. But beware if you go to visit the Riches. They now charge £50 per visa to UK citizens who drop in for a cuppa. (P.S. Broadcasters please note – there is no letter G in Brexit.) An accolade is due for Jel Singh Nagra of North Tyneside for exposing the pettiness and lack of humour exhibited by Sainsbury’s. The supermarket threatened him with legal action because Continued overleaf