Aug/Sep 2020 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue Aug/Sep 2020 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 57

“Show your kids how
to find peace and stay
calm and grounded
during conflict, so that
they can develop those
skills and carry them
into their lives.”
– STACEY MARTINO
AND, there is a solution, one that doesn’t
include fighting in front of the kids, scolding
your partner or nagging. It starts with taking
a step back and looking at what you can do
differently to influence a positive outcome.
Check Your Rapport
If you’re starting to notice parenting clashes,
the first thing you need to do is evaluate your
rapport with your spouse.
Are you and your partner working together
toward a common goal, or are you trying to
change your partner and get them to see
things your way?
You disagree with what your partner said to
your kids because of your own perspective,
things that are real and obvious to you and
you just don’t understand why your partner
doesn’t see it the same way.
But guess what? Your partner sees things
from their perspective that are just as real
and just as obvious to them that you don’t
have insight into, yet.
Release Scarcity of Time
When your spouse upsets your child, you
feel like it’s urgent. You have to swoop in and
save the day. You have to protect your kids.
You have to right the wrong you’re seeing
right now.
It’s easy to think, “If I don’t correct this now,
in this moment, all is lost.”
But the truth is, your kids are going to be
fine. All isn’t going to be lost. It’s not as
urgent as it feels. Time isn’t scarce, and
you don’t have to deal with the situation as
it’s happening. You can drop your desire to
solve that problem in the moment! It’s a skill
set, and it can be learned!
Conflict Is a Chance
to Learn
The moments where you think your partner
is being a jerk to your kids is actually a great
place for them to learn. It gives you the
chance to show them how to navigate a crap
situation when someone behaves badly.
People are jerks sometimes. As much as
you want to shield your kids from that, you
can’t. Our job is not to fix the world for our
kids so that it’s a perfect place. Our job is
to show them how to navigate real life and
build up some resilience.
They’re going to face a lot of situations
where people don’t treat them the way they
want, whether that’s Grandma, their soccer
coach, a neighbor or a kid on the bus. And
the answer to that problem is NOT “just get
RELATIONSHIPS
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