The Lovers card reminds us of the pitfalls of co-dependence and the risk of abuse in any partnership. There are many kinds of abuse an intimate connection can open you up to: emotional, physical, sexual, social, financial and verbal. Every battered person will tell you how much their abuser loves them. The Lovers is a card of intimate connection but many people fear intimacy, engulfment, commitment and abandonment. The perfect recipe for a co-dependent relationship is someone with a fear of engulfment meeting someone with a fear of abandonment – this isn’t good even if you like the “go away go away come here come here” type of relationship. We have to face it, some people just like drama with their love. Some people have to get into knock down drag out fights to achieve intimacy; there nothing like that killer make up sex after all. Any relationship that relies on fighting and fucking for intimacy is in serious trouble.
Love is not always an easy road and relationships that start out well can end very badly. We have all heard, or personally experienced, the hatred and venom that accompany a bad breakup but most of us don’t realize that all that anger is telling us that at one time there was a very big love there. It takes a lot of hard and consistent work to sustain a relationship. You need to remember to say positive and affirming things to your beloved and to invest quality time with them; there is nothing more affirming than a genuine and spontaneous hug – we cannot thrive without touch. Thoughtful, small or practical gifts at random moments can do a lot of good. Ladies – if he changes the oil in your car, it is an act of love so appreciate it accordingly. I get very pissed off at people who say their partner never does anything for them when they have someone who does all of these practical maintenance type of things; you don’t know how lucky you are. Pitch in and help out around the home without bitching and moaning. It takes no time at all to help do some dishes, cook a meal, tend to the kids, fold laundry or push the vaccum around if both people are willing to pitch in – note well that is “pitch in” not “bitchin’”. My favourite saying is “Don’t nag me, I’m not homesick.” Nagging is never going to help any relationship - ever.