Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Oct/Nov 2018 Aspire Mag Full Issue | Page 25

2. Notice when you are holding
yourself to unrealistic expectations
and choose to change them.
Awareness is critical to making any type
of change. Commit to cultivating a spirit
of curiosity and non-judgment as you
regularly reflect on the expectations you
hold for yourself. Start by writing down the
expectations you have and then challenge the
unattainable ones. Recognize when you are
expecting yourself to be perfect and notice
the impact it has on your self-worth and belief
in yourself. Then reflect on how changing
the expectations could open you to more
possibilities to be yourself, learn, and grow.
For instance, if you believe that you should
make everyone happy, pause and recognize
how unrealistic that expectation is. Then tell
yourself instead, I am loving and supportive
to people, no matter how they respond.
Remember you do not need to be perfect
in this process. The power resides in your
awareness and choice.
3. Respond to yourself with
compassion when you make
a mistake.
When we buy into the myth of perfectionism,
mistakes invoke shame. Instead of
understanding that we made a mistake, we
often believe we are the mistake. Getting
stuck in our shame decreases our ability
to learn and grow from our mistakes. If
we choose instead to treat ourselves with
kindness and compassion when we make a
mistake, we actively release our perfectionist
expectations and teach others by our
example. With each act of self-compassion,
we support a new culture of learning and
growth in our families, friend groups, faith
communities, and workplaces, and the
positive ripple effects on our relationships
are endless.
As Sharon Salzberg asserts “When we
relate to ourselves with loving kindness,
perfectionism naturally drops away.”
4. Cultivate a gratitude practice.
Since perfectionism highlights what is not
going well, an antidote to perfectionism is
recognizing what is going well in our lives.
A gratitude practice is the easiest way to
refocus on what is going well and offers us
perspective to acknowledge what we have
done well and how we have grown. Indeed,
what we focus on is what we attract more of
in our lives, and so recognizing what we are
grateful for quiets our inner critic and unplugs
us from the expectation of perfection.
Take a moment now to acknowledge
something you are grateful for about yourself.
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I have started saying in every group that I am
a part of that we do not have to be perfect,
but we do need to show up. This regular
affirmation of letting go of perfectionism is my
way of giving myself and others permission
to be authentic, take risks, learn from our
mistakes, and intentionally develop a culture
of appreciation together.