Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Feb/Mar 2020 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 61

The Accidental Alignment
Predicament
It’s super common. We fall in love, we start
building a life, and we have this “Invisible
Assumption” that we’re going to “see things
the same way.”
We think, “We fell in love, so we’re going to
see parenting the same way” (don’t laugh
too hard). Honestly, before we have kids, it
usually doesn’t occur to us that we won’t.
I really want my husband and I to get on the
same page in our parenting (or money or
anything), can you help me?”
That’s really code for, “I want to get his ass
on my page.”
Now, you can laugh! We do this ALL the
time, right?
WHY do we do this?
That’s an excellent question.
After helping thousands of people, I can
confidently tell you a few things:
1. It’s NOT because you picked wrong.
2. It’s NOT because you are too different.
3. I  t’s NOT because they are stubborn or
you are stubborn.
4. I  t’s NOT because of any of the bullshit
that we are told.
The REASON we fall into the “My Way” vs
“Your Way” trap is because we never learned
the SKILL SET to collaborate in a marriage.
Then one day, something flies out of our
partner’s mouth to one of our kids and we
FLIP out and yell, “Don’t talk to Johnny that
way, you’ll scar him for life!” Think back to 50 years ago. Did a woman
need to ask her husband for alignment on
how to raise children? Did a man need to
ask his wife for alignment on what he should
do about his work or the money? No!
What you’re experiencing is the Accidental
Alignment Predicament—you think you’re
going to see things the same way...right up
until you don’t. Until a few decades ago, spouses did not
need to ALIGN with each other. It was more
of a “what I say goes” kind of world.
So, what do most of us do? That’s all that’s been modeled to us.
We go into the “My Way” vs “Your Way”
mode, trying to do it the way we think is right. But now, it’s not that way. We all have dreams
for our family! We all want to weigh in. There
are now TWO people in a marriage who both
want to be the one who says “MY WAY.”
Often people come to me and say “Stacey,
61
No one ever
taught us how
to collaborate in
marriage.