Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Feb/Mar 2020 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 36

when we did kind things for others, praised
for saying yes when we succeeded in our
endeavors and the list goes on. We were
programmed to say yes to achieve the praise
we so desperately craved from our parents
or caregivers. Often though, we hear that
‘no’ is a complete sentence, yet how many of
us actually use it that way? The art of saying
no is one of the most difficult changes to
incorporate yet, it can be done!
A good place to start is to check in with
yourself and ask, “What is one thing that I
have been tolerating that I no longer wish to
tolerate?” It may be that you are tolerating a
friend that relies on you constantly for help
and at the drop of a hat. You typically drop
everything you are doing and tend to her
needs. No more. Now, you can start by telling
that friend the next time she is reliant on your
help, that unfortunately the answer is ‘no’.
You may experience some push back or
other signs that she is disturbed by your lack
of helpfulness however, you must know in
your heart that you are doing some good by
allowing her to figure it out for herself leaving
you to do what is most important to you.
Enabling hurts others and when we can say
no with love, we are helping others become
responsible for themselves. As with anything
new, this will take practice to develop your
‘no’ muscle and as you do, the rest of your
body, mind and soul will get stronger, too.
The results of saying ‘no’ are exponential.
5.
Resentment is showing
up in one or more of
your relationships.
This one is a piggy-back on number 4 above
as after saying yes too often, resentments
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start to creep in and can overtake our
emotions. We may say yes with good
intentions however, once we look back on
our original yes, we find that we didn’t really
want to do the task after all. Resentments
can grow from a tiny eye twitch to full blown
feelings of anger. Resentments are nasty
little parasites that take over our thoughts
and feelings and leave us feeling taken
advantage of, put upon, or mistreated and
we essentially did it to ourselves by saying
yes to something we really wanted to say no
to but, for some reason could not.
The key to turning this one around is to give
yourself a pause by telling the person asking
for your assistance that you will have to get
back to them with an answer. This allows
you time to really check in with your mind,
body and soul as to whether or not this
situation is a good fit for you. It may be that
it is, just not at this time and that is perfectly
ok. It may be that it is in total opposition
to being a good fit for you, but the person
asking is your mother-in-law and you will feel
guilty if you say no. Saying yes in this case
does not serve you or your mother-in-law
so it is best to be honest with yourself first
and foremost. Know thyself and be true to
yourself. As always, the truth sets you free.
Having compassion for yourself can assist
you in taking the time necessary to make
the best choice for everyone involved.
6.
There is no available
time on your calendar
for self-care.
You couldn’t fit self-care into your schedule
even if you wanted to because you have
filled every available moment with other
things. You are perpetually on overdrive and
www.AspireMAG.net | February / March 2020