If you find yourself in this situation , ask yourself a few questions :
“ Support your teens , spend time with them ; be less critical and controlling and more nurturing in their adolescent development . This , in turn , can help them make more informed , safe decisions …”
80 www . AspireMAG . net | February / March 2017
If you find yourself in this situation , ask yourself a few questions :
• Am I attempting to control my child ’ s habits ? How is that working out for me and for my child ?
• When I check in with my Internal Guidance System ( IGS ), how does the act of trying to control my child ’ s behavior feel ?
• How does my child likely feel when I attempt to control him ?
• If I give up my control might he be able to deal with the issue on his own ?
• Have I taught my child about his IGS and worked with him so that he understands it and feels comfortable trusting it ?
When we talk with our kids about these behaviors , we give them the opportunity to take ownership of the behavior and the result . That ’ s very different from when we dictate to them how they should behave , or try to trick them into doing our bidding . All of us ending up feeling better , and we get better results in the end .
Survey Says …
In an article on PsychCentral . com , John M . Grohol , PSY D , relayed information about parental control and its consequences based on a survey of 5,000 teens :
“ Support your teens , spend time with them ; be less critical and controlling and more nurturing in their adolescent development . This , in turn , can help them make more informed , safe decisions …”
The survey was about teenage sexual activity , but the advice is true no matter what hurdle you ’ re trying to clear . Grohol is pointing to less control from parents and allowing kids to dial into their own IGS .
Parents can help their kids by talking to them about what is going on and coming up with an agreement about what the parent and child roles and responsibilities will be .
It is important to be gentle with yourself , and your child , as you go through this change . It may not be easy at first . It was extremely hard for me to give up control , even when intellectually , I knew that I never really had control , it was only a perception . I worried about what the consequences would be if I let my son be in charge of his own eating habits . Reminding is okay , dictating is not . At first my son ’ s behavior
80 www . AspireMAG . net | February / March 2017