58 www . AspireMAG . net | February / March 2017
JUST BEING ME IS THE ONLY THING I EVER HAVE TO DO TO BE LOVED .
jingling of any dog tags on any dog collar took my breath away . No idea that the last time I saw them would be the last time I saw them . Fun and happiness and pleasure were on hold indefinitely .
But then , a break . An unexpected encounter , a moment of awe . Sensation returning to my body . And there , my breath still held , I felt hunger for the first time .
And I cut my hair .
Florence , Italy . In Michaelangelo ’ s gallery , bodies birthing themselves from rough and ragged chunks of marble . Unfinished Slaves , frozen in a state of self excavation . I , too , was carving myself back into life .
Shame and guilt stripped away , revealing my raw flesh . I reclaimed time lost : my unlived life . Forgiveness arrived , tentatively at first . Then — now — in bursts of disbelief . Inhabiting my life completely — no hiding , truly living — is unparalleled .
Once there was a marriage and now there is me .
What do I know now ? I know that happiness , fun , pleasure are necessities . I know that loss is loss and grief is grief . I know that forgiveness is the gateway ; freedom and love lie beyond . I know that nothing is better than living my life as it is happening . Meeting the miraculous moments as me — just me .
Just being me is the only thing I ever have to do to be loved .
I know that living on the other side of my greatest fear , I can do anything .
Endings and beginnings are kickstarts and catalysts . An invitation to a life I never knew was possible : this extraordinary life I am living now .
And above all else I know that no matter what I do or don ’ t do , I am worthy . I offer my heart to you with the hope that it serves as a compass to lead you back to yourself , with an invitation to find and trust your own voice as you dive deeply into your desire .
being held and belonging it all changed the mood the pulse the pace the swelling the room itself was swollen grounded in trust as if my body was a napkin being pulled through a ring from the pelvis
58 www . AspireMAG . net | February / March 2017