Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Feb/Mar 2017 Aspire Mag Full Issue | Page 53

– VIRONIKA TUGALEVA
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As a result we can end up feeling disempowered or even worse hopeless to create the changes we desire . Here is where self-compassion comes in . When we choose to be understanding and kind to ourselves instead of beating ourselves up , we transform our self-criticism and judgment into self-acceptance and love , which allows space for true change to occur .
One important component of selfcompassion is that it offers us an opportunity to acknowledge our own suffering . As humans we have a fundamental need to have our feelings and experiences affirmed and acknowledged but so much of the time we feel unheard and misunderstood instead . Self-compassion allows us to get to the root of our experience by looking first at how we feel . When we meet ourselves there with kindness and love , we can then take the next steps to take care of our suffering . Another critical aspect of self-compassion is that it allows us to know we are not alone . When we respond with kindness to ourselves when we are suffering , it opens us up to our essential humanness and the understanding that others suffer like us too . Through this recognition we no longer feel so isolated and think there is something inherently wrong with us . Instead we are able to see our common life experience connecting us to others , which in itself can be healing and transformative .
When we choose to respond to our failure with self-compassion and loving kindness , we are much more likely to learn from our experiences and find ways to create positive change in our lives . No sustainable change comes from feeling ashamed . Shame taps us into a feeling of lack and unworthiness , which fuels our defensiveness and

“ Self-improvement without self-love is like building a house upon sand . You can build and build , but it will always sink .”

– VIRONIKA TUGALEVA
inflexibility to adapt or adjust . To cultivate healthy change we need to connect with the essential goodness within us and have that be our inspiration to make positive nurturing changes in our lives .
Another gift of self-compassion is selfawareness . As we approach our lives with more curiosity and non-judgment rather than guilt and shame , we become more and more mindful in our lives . Knowing that we are human , that we are going to make mistakes and that we will be able to learn from our challenges allows us to respond less defensively when we do make a mistake and see the experience as important to our growth . Our failed resolutions then highlight areas to find more support and encouragement for in our lives , truly an opportunity to nurture our selves more deeply .
I love the perspective of self-compassion that expert Kristin Neff shares :
HEALTH & WELLNESS

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