Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec19/Jan20 Aspire Mag FINAL | Page 69

to get clear on the REAL reason it faded to
begin with (it’s not what you think) and make
the CHOICE to do something about it.
People come to us for relationship help in all
phases of relationships. But there are two
phases that are most common: the “Hanging
by a Thread” and “The Passionless”.
When you’re hanging by a thread, you
know you need help. It’s obvious. One, or
both of you, has thought about leaving. You
don’t really want to go through ending your
marriage, but you know things can’t stay the
way they are!
Passionless is different. It sneaks up on you.
You have a good relationship, you parent
well together, you’re good friends. But your
passion has faded—there’s no heat, no
excitement, no sizzle!
Salad vs. Garbage
There’s a common journey that takes place
in long-term relationships. It starts with
rainbows and passion and all the good stuff.
Then, that passion starts to fade, and it leads
to discomfort.
It’s uncomfortable when there’s no
playfulness, no kissing, no intimacy, no sex.
At first, you ignore this. It’s just uncomfortable.
You think it’s not that big of a deal.
But then something changes. That
discomfort builds and starts to feel like
rejection. Rejection turns into hurt. Hurt
turns into resentment, and before you know
it, it feels like an insurmountable barrier.
The passion fades, and you stop having sex.
When the passion starts to fade out of
a relationship, we shift focus. Instead of
addressing the issue we say, “I’m going to
be mature about this. We’re a family. We’re
a team. I’ll focus on the kids. I’ll focus on my
work, the house, and the million other things
pulling for my attention.”
It’s easy to think that “passionless” and
“hanging by a thread” relationships are
worlds apart. But the truth is, they’re the
same relationship (and when we don’t
understand this, the price we pay is TOO
high… keep reading). But eventually, the thing that you’re focusing
on, that’s keeping your relationship together,
is no longer your focus (or moves out of
your house). Suddenly, you’re alone with
a partner you aren’t connected to and you
think, “I just don’t think I can live like this for
another 40 years!”
There’s an old joke that illustrates this point
well: What’s the difference between salad
and garbage? And that’s when it hits you…. “Oh my gosh,
I’ve gone from salad to garbage!”
The Answer… TIME!
You went from passionless (salad) to
hanging by a thread (garbage).
69
Hanging by a Thread vs.
Passionless
Given time, salad will turn into garbage. It’s
the same with a relationship. The ONLY
difference between being “passionless” and
“hanging on by a thread”... is TIME!